What do you do when you feel you are just about getting over a broken heart?

Question

I fell madly in love last summer.

Head over heels with a guy I was just platonic friends with.

Long story short, I called off the friendship because it wasn't fair on either of us.

I was devastated and cried for months. Literally. months

It was the saddest thing I have experienced in twenty years

I hired a therapist and now I am almost over it.

I miss the pain! I miss the sadness.

That's weird, isn't it? We can't be friends and I am moving on but what surprises me is that although I am relieved to be out of bed and not crying all the time - it's strange that I miss the sadness in a way... Looking back I must have enjoyed loving him even if it meant crying?

I have stopped being miserable now and I am moving forward but why would I miss being sad?

Any thoughts?

P.S. Yes I am g*y, in my thirties and so is he. Any homophobic comments will be reported as violations.

Answer 1

you became comfortable with the sadness.

I had experienced something traumatic when I was younger, and sometimes I still feel the need to be sad about it.

I'm over it, forgave and forgot...but sometimes holding onto that sadness is just comfortable because it means that that part of you (or the other person) isn't completely gone yet.

It's natural...there are hundreds, if not thousands of books and such on "getting over" these kinds of things. But really, you'll never get completely over them. (it'll get better with time)

you give a part of yourself to every person you ever have a relationship with...and you never get that piece fully back. By the time you actually find "the one", your heart has chips and cracks, and holes sometimes...but that's what makes finding "the one" special...because they're the only one who won't take advantage of your broken heart, and love it just the way it is.

e-mail me if you ever need to vent sometime. I'm no therapist, but I'm always here.

Answer 2

Hello,

Well, whether someone is g*y is straight matters very little, if at all, when love is introduced into the mix. The old saying is certainly true..."It is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all".

If you're into your thirties, you obviously know the difference between the puppy love and romance that we all have felt at some time. I think you miss being sad for that precise reason. Many people go thru their entire lives and feel only that...puppy love and love for all the right reasons, even if it is not the real thing.

You feel sad because while you were going thru that tough phase, your heart would not let go, so that real feeling of love was with you. Now that you truly are over it, you're back to sqaure one in a sense. Although you don't feel the love anymore, which is a good thing in the long term, the void that was caused by him being out of life is finally healed.

So, fret not. You will be stronger for the experience, and even though it hurt, you will understand yourself and your range of emotions even better as you go on with your life. Hate to keep bringing up the old adages, but "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" comes to mind.

But, truly you are one of the lucky ones. There are many people who never get over the "one" they lost, and even more people who will never know the "one" for them because they settle for whatever comes their way. The world is full of many people, and with your new strength, I wish you all the best of luck in finding one even better than that one which you  lost. I'm sure that in time, even the missing of the sadness will be fulfilled by happiness. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

because emotions sad or any other emotions is the best way of knowing one is alive ...when the emotions is past as yours are it also means it's an end to something leaving you feeling emotionless...less alive...you need to get busy do something to replace that time spend grieving...good luck ...as for being g*y that is your choice i am not your judge to me we are all human and have emotions so we should respect that and try not to hurt others because life in general is tough enough on us all.

Answer 4

It is kinda weird to say you miss the pain and being sad but

I get it cause I have seen this kinda thing before.  I'd say that you got used to the pain and sadness and that the depression became a part of you. As you gradually start moving on it can be frightening cause you are opening up a part of you that the depression had protected. And then again, maybe a subconscious part of you feels like you are betraying this relationship all over again. Or just that the feelings you feel for this guy equals pain and sadness and you are confusing what you are missing.  You keep up the therapy til you figure out which is the problem and good luck.

Answer 5

i do not think that it is the sadness that you miss but the memory that brought on the sadness. You felt that if you let the sadness go, you would be letting your friend go. Just because you have moved on does not mean that you have to forget about your friend completely. Hang on to the good memories and remember that it is not a sin to cry. There is much healing in tears. I wish you all the best. God Bless You.

Answer 6

how sad! But I'm glad you are moving forward. it's better to move on than to dwell on somethin that probably could never happen again.

sad to say I wasn't as hurt when i lost my 'first love'

but it was cause my ex was an *** and never treated me right. it only took about 3 days to fully get over him, now when i think of him, I just think of how glad I am not being around him anymore.

Answer 7

maybe you just miss the though of being with him.... when you remember the sadness you also remember the good parts.

Answer 8

maybe you just got so used to living in sadness that it's just taking some time getting used to, not being sad anymore. it's a new chapter in your life, and your still having trouble letting go of the last chapter. once you completely turn the page and start living this chapter out, you will stop missing the sadness and start enjoying the present. good luck.

Answer 9

When I got divorced from a long ugly marriage the counselor warned me that I would miss even the fighting because when we have something big in our lives, and it goes away, we have to replace it with something, so even if the thing like your sadness wasn't so good, it took up your emotions and time and now it will be "misssed".  I am now retired, and I can't believe how much I lost when I quit teaching. But I am working hard on replacing it. I am broke and 1/2 sick, but we have to replace it with something ;) It is normal for you ;)

Answer 10

same,hetrosexully specking,I guess being sad was an expretion for your love but look up infatuation first,to make sure it was real love,I think,you think you need to be feeling something in order to know that your not over it,so I dont think you can get over this untill you look at this in a different way,like `oh,I was sad for SOOOOOOOOOOOO long,the most saddest time ever in my entire life,tell that to someone,because I think you need to let people know how mutch this has affected you. by the way you try to stress to us just HOW upseting this was for you.,I think you need people to know that before you can move on.God bless you,hope this helps.

Answer 11

For a start don't tell everybody on yahoo answers and get some real friends. Back in my day, no one used this internet thing. We had real friends. But since my wife died and me grandkids set me up with this here computer, my only friends on online too. Being in a wheelcair doesnt help. d**n I'm lonely.

Answer 12

Why did u call it off?? first of all i don't understand why you would call it off, if it took that long to get over him in the first place i would of thought there is something special there and get around whatever problems there were.

On the other hand i can relate to missing the pain. you like to hurt yourself and dwell on the pain because of emotional problems. its a self destructive mode like you don't deserve to be happy may be how u feel deep down because of emotional hurts growing up or in the past.

Answer 13

Sometimes though, you miss the passion of the feeling, even though you don't miss the feeling itself - it's like it may have been painful and scary, but at least it was exciting and real, and you had someone to look forward to seeing and talking with.  I think life can often seem like a 'come down' after you've been through something big, but give it a bit of time, or if you meet someone else you love, you will look back and realise how destructive emotions can be, and how it wasn't healthy for you to feel that low.  I once broke something off with a friend I was head over heels for and afterwards found myself thinking I would never FEEL anything again, I felt drained out and empty.  Now I look back and realise how fortunate I was to end it when I did, (rather than let the pain and crying go on) and how much good it did me in the long run to move on from that - the quiet 'in-between' stage was just something I had to go through to finally come out the other side :-)