What do you do when you have a 5 year old that misbehaves often and when discipline grandma underminds you?

Question

for instance, she had softball and when we were coming home she asked for a snack, I said ok but she'll have to wait until I get out of the bathroom. She said OK. When I got out of the bathroom I caught her climbing on the counter for a snack. I got upset with her becaue she can get hurt bad if she slipped so I told her she cant have her snack. (Mind you she ate a really good dinner so she wont starve) Well grandma says "wlell can she still have chips" I said "no" grandma the tells me how I neglect my child blah blah blah mean while my 5 year old is taking in this whole conversation.. how do I deal with this? I cant kick grandma out she is old...

Answer 1

Oh my goodness, I would definitely get control of this situation before it really gets wild. Imagine when your daughter is a teenager and wants to do something you don't agree with so she goes to grandma who allows her! Talk to grandma and explain that while you appreciate everything she does, etc... YOU are the parent and your child needs to know that you are her primary care giver and authority figure. I think that is why she is misbehaving because already at age 5, she has figured out that she can go behind your back and grandma will rescue her!

Answer 2

I had to go through this with my Mother and Father.  It sounds mean but I had to yell at them really bad. I told them I'm the Mom and your overstepping your bounds. They still have a little to say with my kids but it's not as bad as before.

Answer 3

Take Grandma aside for a quiet, private conversation.  Don't try to do it in front of your child, that would just complicate things. Explain to Grandma that you appreciate her help, but you are the parent and you make the rules. Explain that her role is as a Grandma, and you would prefer that if her opinions differ, she shouldn't express that in front of your kid because it makes you into the bad guy.  Then finish with something nice like how lucky you are to have her help.  Hopefully, that will help keep her listening to you and not being defensive.  If Grandma is that old, you may have to try a few times...

That being said, in my opinion it is wrong to use food as a punishment. Children should not be forced to eat when they are not hungry and should not be deprived when they are hungry (especially after exerting themselves in a sport). Why don't you try a timeout for misbehaving? Make one spot in your home The Naughty Spot and make her stay there for 5 minutes.  Or withhold some TV time or other fun? Tell her she won't get to play softball if she's going to climb on the counters. Just my opinion.

Answer 4

I think you did the right thing teach your kid to mind you.

Answer 5

this is very bad for your child. your child will start acting up and doing what she wants just because she knows she can get away with it. and if she is seeing how grandma is disrespecting you, sooner or later she will start disrespecting you to. you must have a talk with grandma somewhere your daughter can not hear you and have grandma also try to discipline your daughter as well. because if this continues it will go horrible and then you will have to call nanny 911 and i will watch you on tv

XD

Answer 6

Your house, your rules.  Grandma had her chance to raise her kids the way she wanted and now it is your time to raise your child the best way you see fit.  Don't be mean or hateful, let her know that you appreciate her concern and input, and will take them into concideration, but that it is your call to make in the end.  Try to explain what the rules are, why it is that you set the rules, and that you expect them to be followed or else the proper discipline will be administered.  I know it is hard at times, but try to take any arguements between adults out of the room your child is in.  If the other party won't comply, just walk away and tell them you will discuss it further, with them at a later time.

Answer 7

I would take grandma aside where the child can't hear and tell her 'don't you ever undermine my discipline. When I say no it is because I am trying to teach her. If you don't like it, go to your room and shut the door.'  Just because she lives with you is no reason for her to treat you disrespectfully, which is what she did.

Answer 8

You must speak to grandma, out of the child's hearing.

Ask grandma (respectfully and with love) how she would have felt if her mother had interfered when she was raising you. Then explain that you need to be the authority figure in your daughter's life.

Tell her that if she disagrees with any of your decisions regarding your daughter, she can only talk to you about it when the child is out of earshot.

In a perfect world, this would solve the problem, however parents being what they are she will probably continue her patterns of behaviour.

Maybe you could remove your daughter from the room every time grandma starts contradicting you? Or remove grandma and yourself? Or if grandma won't agree to this, take your daughter, go to her bedroom with her, shut the door. Explain to her what you didn't like about her behaviour, explain the consequence and then tell her the consequence will stand regardless of what grandma says.

You will have to be firm about finding a way to retain the authority in your house or your daughter will be constantly playing off you and grandma against each other.