What do you do when you totally disagree?

Question

I'm still young (19) and I know I shouldn't worry about stuff like this now but that's not what I want to hear. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now and I think I might marry him someday(if he asks) anyway... we talk about the future sometimes and I brought up adoption. I REALLY want to adopt a child one day as well as have one or two of my own but he hates the idea of adoption. It isn't for a selfish reason, he feels like he would favor our natural children unintentionally. I hate the thought of so many children in orphanages and I'd really like to make a difference in one of their lives. Babies are adopted all the time ...I'm talking about a kid from 3-5. So, what do you do when you disagree about something like this?

Answer 1

A child you adopt *will* be your own! I can't stand it when people say that they can't have children "of their own," so they adopted (or whatever the situation is). My son was adopted and he IS my own.

I know that's not an answer to your question, but you probably wouldn't like the answer I have for that either.

Answer 2

You have to decide what is more important to you - your relationship with your boyfriend or your need to adopt. Adoption requires 2 willing & committed parents. Most agencies would not be willing to allow adoption to a couple where one partner is not fully committed.

Then, adoption is a great journey. You need to weigh up and consider the options with your boyfriend. Have you considered trying foster care? Although this is not exactly the same as adoption, it might be a way to test the water.

Best of luck as you make this decision.

Answer 3

You may be seeing it as beter for the children that you may be adopting, but if your husband/boyfriend doesn't seem to want an adopted child, they may be missing out on a loving father.  Who knows, maybe he might end up loving the child, but you should really think about that when the time comes.

Answer 4

listen and trust him....it is not fair to bring a child into a relationship where a parent ADMITS they would favor their children.

Nor is it fair to badger and attempt to change him or the fact that at least he is being HONEST

research more about family separation, I believe you'll find that separating families is not the best course of action. Adoption is not all rainbow hearts and fairies.

Answer 5

This is obvious. You have two choices. Number one, you find someone who wants to adopt and make a family with them. Or number two, you don't adopt. It is that simple. You can not chance an absence of love for an adopted child who has already been abandoned by someone by your mate. That would only cause major issues between you and him and cause the child serious issues.

If you decide not to leave him and and not to adopt, then you run the chance of feeling like you have not fulfilled your life long dreams.

What you need to think of is the child. If adopting is doing good, will it be a good deed? Or will it be causing the child more harm than good?

Answer 6

When it comes to whether or not to parent (whether through adoption or biological) the person who says NO always wins.  Why?  Because it is not fair to a child to be brought into a family where he/she is half unwanted.  In time your boyfriend may come around, but he may not, and you have to decide now whether you can live with him not coming around.

Good luck.