What do you do when your child is turning into someone you don't like

Question

You live in a rough area. You've brought your child up to be a decent, well-spoken, respectful person. But they prefer to behave like the people in the area, disrespectful, stupid, rough and so on.

The child knows how you feel about this, they know you dislike them when they are like this, but they do it defiantly all the time, right in your face. They know you are ashamed of them when you go to other places, but they do it more.

They seem to take pleasure in embarrassing you.

This child gets upset when the mum tells them off, apologising, but it continues.

This is defiance in the extreme. But what can you do about it?

Answer 1

I think many of us have been there and I can sympathise with you. You don't say how old the child is but you need to set boundaries and make absolutely clear what sorts of behaviour you are not prepared to tolerate. I would not advocate punishment as such but you should ensure that the any privileges or treats are dependent on the child sticking to your rules. I know it is often earier said than done but you must be firm. Best of luck.

Answer 2

Discipline.  Keep your ground.  Don't bend over and allow your child to do this easily.  Fight for your child.  Check into community programs that may be able to assist you and if, the new behaviors of your child are illegal, then give him tough love and call the law on him.

Answer 3

Nothing, its his choice. But if he breaks the law then he'll have to face the consequences on his own.

Just continue to punish him, but dont forget to praise him when he's good. My mum has the same problem with my little brother. Shes turned into the enemy now because she doesnt talk to him, shes just patronising.

Talk to him on his level, find an even ground and dont push him. Maybe theres something deeper that bothering him.

Answer 4

chill the **** out

Answer 5

Give the little t**t a good kicking.

Answer 6

Sounds like they're rebelling against you. Stick to your guns and show tough love. If they get into activities such as robbing, taking drugs etc report them to the police. It will feel like you're backstabbing them but tough love is the only way you can get round this.

Answer 7

You didn’t mention the childs s*x or age.

Believe it of not, that will make a difference in how you handle this situation.

Also.. If you are a single mom household vs a 2 (participating) parent household.  

All the above impacts what will influence the child.

Single mom-  So many women are raising children alone now a days and forget how important a good male role model is in their childs life.  You HAVE to find good older male role models to interact with your child (not so old they are irrelevant to their current world). – Someone a male child can emulate, look up to.  Someone a female child will listen to and treat her respectfully (so she learns good men will be respectful of her and she needs to be respectful of herself and others).  

You also need to set boundaries and FOLLOW –UP with them (don’t waiver, don’t alter punishments).  

Find out what is VERY important to your child .. what Their currency is.   That is your bargaining tool.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€Â“Playstation? Computer? After school activities?    When they behave well—They get to use the items/ or go to the activities. When they don’t, they are taken away from the kid.   (I used to know this woman that “punished” her kid by not letting him “talk/see” his friends.  By sending him to his room.. Not really a punishment since all the kid did was get on his computer and IM his friends and play games)

Age.. ?  Get your child young.. since by the time the child becomes a teenager, and you don’t have them under control.. you will have to take more extreme measures to make an impact on the child.  

All of this being said… I was an awful kid- ran away, did drugs, talked back to my mother, pushed her around.  In the end – I grew up and realized I was in charge of how I wanted my life to be and who I wanted to be.  Growing up, getting older sometimes wakes people up on their own.  

Hang in there, Good luck.

Answer 8

well, the best thing is to make them think that your kid is superior to the other, weird kids that he/she has learned things from. And say that we don't have their culture.

Anyways, this is the strategy my mom used on my to rid me of bad influences, and it has worked. Then I think your kid will get that thing built in to his mind, and he will start not getting influenced by them.

Answer 9

Depending on the age of the child you can do little - you can take some comfort in the fact that most of these kids do grow up to be the decent human beings you were hoping for. They just simply must go through this undesirable behavior first.

Answer 10

the child can do whatever they like however they wish to be the parents job is to only upbring them thats it when thats done their job is finished its their life they can do whatever they like parents can only advise . an also parents dont do a favour on the child by bringin them up as its their duty because it was their decision to bring them to this world and they are the outcome of their lust and enjoyment

i dont give a d**n how many thumbs down  i get truth hurts  

Answer 11

Very interesting question.  You’ve heard the expression, “If you hang around the barbershop long enough, one day you’ll end up with a haircut.”  He’s exposed to this behavior and the behavior unfortunately, outnumbers the good influences in his life.  There’s a certain set of survival skills for teenagers, and it includes social aspects.  It is unlikely that a good teen will stand up to thugs and say, “This is what we should do.”  In fact, it’s more likely to get him his butt kicked.  It’s sad, because it’s the right thing to do.

We scraped together every nickel to move our kids to a better neighborhood.  The city was going downhill fast.  I’m so glad I did it, and was able to afford to do so, but that’s not a reality for everybody.  Can you limit his free time and fill it with things to do?  Like baseball, church youth groups, other youth groups, or apply for a scholarship at a private school?  It sounds like he's been involved with these kids long enough where it wont be reversed easily.  It'll be an uphill battle, but our kids are worth it.  They do thank you one day you know lol.  My oldest is 21 and gets it.  My 18 year old... not yet.