What do you do when your father abandons you and contacts you 12 years later?

Question

so when i was little (8 years old to be exact) my dad abandoned us. he never tried contacting us or sending any money. he completely forgot about my siblings and i. my mom was a single parent until she remarried about recently 2years ago. during these years i had to step up and skip my childhood and be responsible. my mom didn't ask me to but i felt like i as the oldest one, had to help out. just yesterday, after 12 long years he called and said he is sorry and wants to be a part of our lives. what do i do? I'm kinda happy he finally contacted us, but I'm still mad at him for leaving us and not giving us an explanation shortly after his departure. if anyone has been in my shoes please let me know what your opinion is. I'm really confused.

Answer 1

I didn't see my father for 20 years when my parents broke up when I was 10 years old.  Nevertheless your father and his love and attention are a key to your well being and wholeness as a person.  I know! Open your heart and forgive.  Allow him in. People change, especially with age!  Allow the relationship to re knit.  You'll both benefit.

Answer 2

well its cool you are happy he contacted you.  although, you might do a little cking up on him to see if he has been in trouble for any reason.  I think you can do that online for a minimal fee.  maybe discuss it with mom first.  also I'd give him another chance.  be skeptical of course but gradually get back into his life, but don't you abandon the dad that raised you for the past 12 yrs that chose you along with your mom.  but maybe your real dad deserves to be a part of your life now.  I wouldn't expect you to forgive him for deserting you though, but don't keep throwing that in his face forever either.

Answer 3

i would give him a chance.  some people say "i would tell him, h**l no! and get lost!" but that's easy to say when you're not the one in the situation.  that being said, i would go into the situation being very suspicious and wouldnt lay all of my cards on the table too quickly.  he could hurt you again, but if you don't try, you might never know.  the thing is, you don't want to have a lot of regrets and not take a chance to know your dad after all of these years.

Answer 4

its up to you. if closure is needed, then you should meet him and at least tell him how all that made you feel.  from that point, if thats all that ever happens again, at least you said your peace.  If not and you continue to communicate, well, hopfully you can have him in your life.

good luck

Answer 5

At 18 years of age,  only seeing my biological father like 4 times (last was like 6 years old) my half sister got in contact with me.  

(She was dating a friend of mine's brother oddly enough!). I never met her before this.

All of a sudden, he wanted to talk to me. You see, he got drunk and got in an accident causing sever and permanent damage when he offered to pay for abortion and my mom pretty much told him to get lost. Took him a long time to recover. (My mom was a few months pregnant with me).

So yeah. My nephew, who I neve rmet from my other half sibling, passed away sadly and I attended the funeral.

Totally weird. Everyone looked at me. All heard of me but never seen me.

He tried to talk to me but you know honestly, no matter what he said can not change the past. His excuse is just an excuse. Not justifyable.

I am happy for him to not be in my life and I haven't seen him since. I stop talking to my half sister because she and I are different. Conversation and family is a two way street. I was the one makin phone calls and seeing her. Never did anyone come see me.

So honestly, go with your instincts and what you feel.

Tell him how much he hurt his family he left behind. That it was unfair to your mom to raise you all on her own. That how proud you are for what she did. That it was unfair for you to grow up soo fast to take charge of the family he abandoned.

You got a long road ahead of you. You might be able to start with a new friendship or you might just feel let past be past and look forward with the future with out him.

I am a firm believer a parent shouldn't wait til they are of legal adult age to contact them. By then, you are already raised. No child support needed, no times he needed to be there when a boy broke your heart. Your mom did that all for him.

Take it a day at a time and go with your feelings. He can't rush back into your life and you need to voice that.  

Answer 6

he may be able to give you the answers you need, let him provide his side of the story and go from there...

Answer 7

I would try to comfort you,but i dont no what I wouldn't know what to do if something like that happend to me, I wouldn't trust him, id maybe see him every now and then. But what if he just walks out on you again, and then you'll beat on yourself for letting him into your lives again.

hope I helped

good luck

Answer 8

Welcome him with open arms. Yes he made a HUGE mistake in leaving you guys, but holding animosity towards him only hurts you in the end. It will take time for you to truly forgive and forget, but it is definitely worth the time, if he has changed and is truly sorry.

Answer 9

ur old enough now, give him a chance hear him out see what he has to say them make a dicission u dont what was going on with him