What do you do when your friend is ruining her life?

Question

I have a friend who starting using drugs a couple years ago. She was on the right track getting good grades in school and getting ready for college. Then she started using drugs and got knocked up one drunken night by some guy she didn't know. She had the baby and sadly it passed away at only a month old. The guy stayed with her but is a loser and has been in jail. His family treats her like c**p and they are always fighting all the time. Tonight they were fighting again and she said they were probably breaking up (again.) But she neglected to tell us she has been trying to get pregnant for the past 2 months because she feels the need to be a mother. And she is only 20. What should I do? She has been a good friend in the past but it is difficult standing by and watching her self destruct.

Answer 1

Sadly I know this type of person.  I've had friends like this before and though it hurts to watch them "self destruct" there is a limited amount of things you can actually do.  Remember you can't MAKE anyone do anything.  Especially since she is an adult.

With that said here are a few suggestions:

1.  Have an intervention with her and make sure you get some of her family and some other friends to talk at this event.

2.  Make sure you let her know that you're there and you're willing to listen/help in anyway.

Keep in mind that if her actions and such are affecting YOUR life - you may have to tell her that it does so and if you don't think you can handle the pressure - tell her that it's making the friendship hard.

3.  (And this may be the most difficult) If she's still using drugs or hurting herself you may want to get her committed to a drug rehab institute.  They have the proper trained staff and are able to help her in the ways that she needs help.  And if they can't help her they can definitely push her in the RIGHT direction.

Some of what has been said may sound harsh or you may not want to agree - but sometimes to help the ones we love we have to do things that don't seem fair or "nice".

Good luck...

Answer 2

Your friend needs counseling she is thoroughly mixed up, I can't see why she should be trying to become pregnant in a situation you describe, it would only mean disaster for her and the  child. You must try to get through to her that what she is doing would only compound a severe situation she has already created.