What do you do with Mother who refuses to let her kid learn and be independent?

Question

My preschool class (4 year olds) started 4 months ago and still we have a Mother who REFUSES to stop helping her child with everything he should be doing on his own at school. It is very badly effecting this child's daily routine and once his Mother leaves, he always expects the teachers to take over. All of the other children can now put on their own shoes, button their own smocks, sort out their belongings for the day but this boy cannot even begin to try. We (myself, the head teacher and the office) have had confrence after confrence telling this Mom that part of our curriculum is encourging the children to be independent and to learn how to do things on their own, but she keeps saying that she can't help but "spoil" her child. We even banned her from coming into the classroom but she still hovers by the door and tries to help when we aren't watching. She has even had the odasity to come into the room BEFORE school starts to sort his belongings. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

honestly, if she is hampering the productivity of the classroom, she and her child need to go.  if she can't abide by the rules that all the other parents have to abide by, then she needs to be disenrolled.  you shouldn't have to suffer the rest of the classes development for this one child.  she either needs to get with the plan or get to steppin.

Answer 2

Get the kid to tell his mom he can do whatever himself...

Answer 3

get to know the mother really well. that way, if she knows you better, she would allow herself to trust you with her child.

Answer 4

Ah helicopter mothers!  They hover over their children and they never do learn to stand on their own two feet.  Try something like this, tell her it's wonderful how involved she is in her childs life but she only serves to cripple his natural growth.  If she refuses to get the picture, perhaps you need to consider asking her to find another school.

Answer 5

I have yet to disagree with Grandma Dorthy's answers :-)  She definately has experience in this preschool/daycare area. Yes, I would suggest you stop the conferences because adults are very similar to children in that "attention" regard...though it's usually subconsious.

Definately a helicopter mom, like someone else mentioned.  That I believe came from the Love and Logic philosophy.  You may consider printing some of that info off of their website and sending it home.  Maybe just reading what is said about the different types of mothering and how it effects the child may help.  It also helps that it comes from a resource other than you as the teachers.

So, she can't come into the classroom.  Can you shut the door?  Can the director ask her to leave?  It's these cases which I do not like to "turn away" because they are the ones that need us so much so I don't recommend asking them to find another school because she'll just do it there and they might let her if they don't have it in their curriculum or philosophy the level of independence as your preschool does.  However, maybe she does need the line set...either she follows preschool's policies on family or she'll have to find other care.  Maybe you can suggest that another family member drop the child off.  Maybe she could volunteer in another classroom, such as the infant room...if you have more than one age group at your center/preschool.  Infants still need things done for them and they'd probably thrive with the "love" that she would shower them.

Just a side note between teachers :-)  I don't truly suggest you do this but it would help in her situation...and it makes us smile...which we MUST do in this field.  Most likely this is the youngest child...her baby or more likely her only child.  Maybe it's time for her to have another one to focus on.  Makes a big difference when there are 2 children not just 1. Parenting style often changes.  :-)  I sure feel sorry for that mom!  

Good luck in the situation.

Answer 6

Poor Mom. Her child is her world and she only feels useful when she is doing things for him. Here are a couple of suggestions I have tried. 1. Put Mom in charge of something like taking attendance or cutting out magazine pictures.

2.One mother was wonderful at organizing a fundraiser which gave her something useful to do.

3.Try inviting her in to help with a messy project where she will work with all of the children.

4.If you push the Mom away she will only cling tighter. If you invite her in, give her a time frame (We are going to do cooking. Can you help out from 9:30 - 10:00.) 5. Introduce her to some of the other Moms. Maybe if she has friends, she will be able to let go a little bit.

Oh, and as with children who are misbehaving to get attention, I would stop conferencing with her. You may be giving her so much attention  which is exactly what she wants.

Good luck.