What do you do with a child that flat out refuses to do what is asked of him?

Question

He got suspended from school the last three days, is extremely hostile if you ask any thing from him, and is so sweet if you just leave him be. Will go to great lengths to NOT do what is asked of him. He is 13 1/2. We have tried psychiatrists, psychologists, medication. Bottom line--He has oppositional defiant disorder. We take everything away, he shows remorse, then the cycle repeats itself. HELP!!!!!!!!!!

p.s I know I posted this three times, I wanted to put it in 3 different catagories.

Answer 1

Children at this age can really be hostol since they are physically stronger. You should really think of sending him to a special school for kids with anger problems. My brother was sent to a school and has improved more since he went there. These people are specially trained for these actions. Don't let him beat you in this Civil War.

Answer 2

"He has oppositional defiant disorder."  So you spent all that money and believe all of the c**p they hand you all because you don't recognize PUBERTY?  That's funny.  Obviously this child has never been taught discipline, only punishment.  There IS a difference, subtle albeit but a difference. Discipline is guiding, teaching constructive behavior while punishment is simply teaching negative destructive behavior.  You take things away that he has otherwise been able to use at will.  That isn't a privliege, privliges have to be EARNED from day one.  Rules have to be set from day one.  Now all of a sudden at the age of 13 you are expecting him to behave when you haven't taught him how.  He wasn't born knowing how to behave.  And now you want to blame HIM for his behavior?  Instead of throwing your money away on psychiatrists and psychologits you should have spent it spending time with your son teaching him how to behave when he was small.  Now at puberty of course he is going to be defiant...that's a PART of puberty...I guess when you went through it you were the most polite, perfect angel on this earth...you were every parent's dream child and never gave your parents one minute of problem...You always did as you were told the moment you were told to do it from birth.  I'll bet that even today you can walk on water.  Yeah right.

Answer 3

you need to present yourself as the person he can turn to, rather than him taking out his frustration in antisocial ways, he can talk to you about it. Obviously at the moent he is getting caught up in the wrong actions and the wrong crowd, so you can be there to help him and sort things out.

All he wants is someone to relate to, although he wont admit to this, and will at first find it hard to spill out his feelings

look after yourself aswell girl, its horrible when another person's problems are a cause of stress, as it makes us feel so helpless!

gd luck

Answer 4

I would have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him if he doesnt straiten up you wlii send him to a boot camp for a while. or beat his *** with a hickory switch.

Answer 5

Well, you should read The New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson.  It has really great advice about troubled kids, and how to encourage them to change.  God bless you.  Do not give up.

Answer 6

WHOOP THAT BUTT ---  DUH !!

NO ONE SPANKS THE KIDS AND WONDER WHY THEY ARE SO BAD

Answer 7

I have a teenage son who is autistic and has some of the same characteristics -- it is hard to get him to do anything he does not want to do.

Honestly we pick our battles with him but for the important stuff we stick to our guns.

Taking everything away -- leaving him with clothes in the closet and a mattress on the floor if necessary -- is in the right direction but -- instead of only remorse he needs to take steps of right behavior over a period of time to get his privileges back.

If he is on summer vacation this is a great time to start with almost nothing then have him earn his privileges back. Have a calendar and a behavior for each day (and a list of no`s that you can try to phrase as yesses if that makes any sense) to earn something back.

Meanwhile -- don`t take you away. Do fun things together. Let him see his friends.

And one thing if he is interested and you are up for it...a dog helped my son develop better social skills. Admittedly his younger sister provides most of her care but between the two of them they do most of it and he has started taking her for walks (a good thing as he is overweight from too much sitting on the computer and having so much homework in high school he has developed a sedentary life) and the dog (a mellow black Lab) has helped him become more compassionate also

Answer 8

maybe play like a game or something (something educational even)

and tell him if he plays he can have a chocolate or something.

don't threaten him by saying something like ' if you don't do this then you go to time out' or anything.

because it's just going to make matters worse.

Answer 9

Say babe, what are you doing?! then say no friends, no toys, no fun if you cannot behave! refuse to buy him anything lol