What do you do with a step daughter who is 22 and will not do anything except play on myspace?

Question

She has been here 6 months still no job, no ged nothing, eats, sleeps and sits on the computer, she will wash dishes and that is it. HELP

Answer 1

well, give her some options:

-get a job and work on saving up money to move out

-go to school and get your GED

-get a job, go to school, and while she's working on moving out she needs to help out. or.......

-continue to let her live off of you, and you continue to be her friend not her mom. you're not a hotel service!! and if she doesn't have a college education its going to be VERY hard to get a well paying job that she enjoys. you cant even get a job picking up peoples trash without a college education so imagine the problems she would have without a college education?!

those are the only options. tell her whats what needs to happen. stop being her friend and be her step mom. of course you cant rule her life but while she's living with you there are things that are expected.

Answer 2

Kick her lazy a** out.... all she is doing is sucking you dry and she knows what shes doing... its easier this way..give her the ultamatum...

either get a job or get out.

Answer 3

There's only one thing you can do & that's to get her out of your house, & on her own.

Obviously she will do only what is absolutely necessary to get by, & as long as you allow her to get by on your support then that is what she will continue to do.

Once she is out on her own she will probably surprise you & start to become a functioning & self-sufficient young adult.

Answer 4

id kick her out

ONLY

if she does not get a job within 2 weeks and straighten up her act

also

why did you wait so long?

Answer 5

you need to talk to her dad, and decide on something together she is 22 and should be on her own or at least working full time  

Answer 6

Take the computer away.  If she's going to act like a kid...treat her like one.  Show some tough love.

Answer 7

Give her time. She is probably trying to land herself a rich guy off of myspace.  

Answer 8

find things you have in commen go to the mall play games that she like on the computer then play game you like on in off try to make the communication better

Answer 9

Tell her to get off her butt and go to school or get a job. And if she doesn't you're going to take away everything. Her computer. Her food. Everything that ultimately belongs to you. Then, tell her she needs to do these things or else she's out of the house next. Nobody is going to want her if she doesn't have money for rent.  

Answer 10

Kick her out on her butt!

That's pitiful.

Sit her down and explain to her that she is grown womn and no one is responsible for her anymore. It's not her fault per se that she was so poorly prepared for life but now it's time to figure it out.

I think there might be an unrealistic sense of entitlement here.

OR

Go get her a job through someone you know who will accept that she will likely quit but who will be willing to help you prove your point, and tell her if she doesn't go she's out.

or hand her a "lease agreement" for the room she's staying in asking for rent money or other contributing actions that you are willing to accept from her. You and your hubby can draw it up, make sure you date, sign and fill it out in black ink.

At 22 it's just sad. She needs a hardcore wakeup call.

Good luck!

Answer 11

Talk with your husband first and tell him how you feel about this issue, then you together can work out a solution, don't take matter into your own hands as she might feel offended and will keep this attitude just to annoy you.

Answer 12

Tell her to get a job and pay for her own computer and internet! Shut off the internet service to the computer that she uses and maybe lock up your computer in your bedroom and if you need it get internet hooked up in there.

Answer 13

Sometime needs more help and support to guild their live. They are not useless and might do well when very well when shown the right path. Try to get her an online job, making money online or even sending her back to study.

Good luck.

http://www.threewisemonkeys.com

Answer 14

Take the computer away, or tell her there is no more connection that u had it cancelled

Answer 15

try to talk with her, but in a friendly way...

look what she is interested at... and.. when u feel is a good time, u can ask her to find a job... also u can help her to find it...

remember how hard is to find a job u love...

or u can pay her 4 help u out.

Answer 16

Yikes - send her out with her friends and have the locks changed.  I'm only kidding...

Say - help her out and tell her you want to look at apartments for her!  

Answer 17

Most people don't know that addiction is something that a person can't break away from & it keeps going around in a circle. She needs something to take her attention away from what she is doing. She needs to build up some positive habits. Once she does this she will get healthier & happier & not be so stuck.  

Answer 18

disconnect the computer.

Having a computer should be something she earns to use, it is not a "right" to use or have.

Answer 19

well, i hope that u guys get along-cause if u do, then u could probably yell at her without having her scream at u the main saying wen ur a step; "you're not my mother!" u could also tell ur husband about it, or just sit her down and talk 2 her about it.

Answer 20

You need to talk to your husband and you both need to be in agreement on how to handle this situation.  Once you are, you need to be firm no matter how she behaves.  She is too old to be acting like this and she knows that she is getting away with it.  

If you only have one computer in the house you might want to consider password protecting it so she doesn't have access to the internet without your permission.  I know she's a little old for that but myspace is a crazy addiction that I suffered from at the age of 27 for a while.  Maybe give her a list of jobs to do during the day and make sure its enough to get her to want to find a job.  

Answer 21

give the computer a password.

she's obviously not paying for the internet service.

Don't be afraid to be cruel, sometimes it's the only motivation kids understand.

Answer 22

Well first tell her to straighten up her act and get a job and if she doesn't do that then threaten to kick her out. Trust me, she will do something if you threaten. Kicking her out is just stupid, what will she do when she is out on the streets?

Answer 23

talk to her. if she doesn't pay attention then you have the right to kick her out of your house. but talk to her and give her another chance

Answer 24

Introduce her to me :)

Just kidding.

I recomend having a conversation with your husband (assuming he is still around) and get him to agree with you.  Then, confront her.  Tell her, with a united front, that she needs to start doing a lot more chores (cooking, cleaning, buying groceries) or she needs to get a job.

Does she have a college education?  If not it might be good for her to look into that.  Maybe go to a University or a technical school.

Just my thoughts.

Answer 25

Kick her out - at that point its sink or swim. You are not going tobe around forever and she will have to learn how to live on her own at some point.My mom kicked me out at 20.I hated her at first but I came around.I have a house now and 2 children and a job.

I learned how to mow grass, fix pipes, fill my tires,pay bills,care for babies.

She can apply for section 8,get food and cash assistance and job training through the state so that she can make it on her own.Kick her out and have her contact the human services department in your state.

Answer 26

Threaten to kick her out of the house.

OR

if you cant stand her, tell your husband & tell him if he doesnt do something about it, you will leave him for good!

Answer 27

Time to sit dad downa nd have a talk about what this daughter is doing and what her plans are? Then you guys need to sit down with her an give her a time limit for things. Like you have 6 months to find sucj=h and such or say you can stay her as long as these conditions are met. But if not then your out on your own.

Answer 28

You tell her that she's now an adult and so it is required that she get a job and pay rent.

Until she does that, the internet would be shut off.  If she refuses, you tell her she has to leave.  Only way to stay is get job and pay rent.  

As long as you do it all and pay for it all, why should she get off her lazy behind and do anything for herself?  I'd also make her study for her GED and get it!

This isn't a vacation, this is LIFE.  Might as well show her what the real world is like.

Answer 29

take the internet or computer away and tell her to get a job or else your kicking her out.  

Answer 30

tell her she's going to need to start paying a small amount of rent to you every month. if she doesn't, she's going to have to move out. Talk about this with her father and both tell her together.  if she thinks she can just live off of you at 22, then set her straight.

right before i turned 18, my mother started having my 19 year old sister and i pay her rent. she worked full-time and barely made the bills each month and she told us that since we were now adults (at age 18 and 19) we should contribute.  this kind of put fire under my butt and got me more motivated.



when i was 22 i was working full-time, riding my bicycle back and forth to work, and taking classes at the community college (sometimes taking a 1.5 hour busride back and forth when I couldn't get a ride), classes which I paid for myself. It's frustrating to see someone do nothing at that age and expect others to take care of her.

Good Luck!!!  

Answer 31

Unplug the computer.