What do you do with baby shower gifts when it looks like your adoption is going to fall through?

Question

My husband and I had twin boys placed with us two months ago. Family and friends have been really wonderful and provided us with a lot of clothes and toys for the boys. Now it looks like there is a real chance we will not get to finalize the adoption at the end of the six month placement period. If our worst fears happen, what do we do with all of the adorable things our friends gave us?

Answer 1

You can either hold onto them for the time when you do have a baby you can keep forever, or if its too painful to have those things around, donate them to a charity that helps kids.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Answer 2

The gifts were for the kids, not you, so pass them along with the children where ever they may go. (I'm very sorry if things dont work out for you, that can be a very difficult situation to handle...best of luck!)

Answer 3

This is a horrible situation ,But to answer your question the gifts were for the boys right? Send them packing with the boys if allowed. Good luck I hope you don't have to send anyone packing!

Answer 4

I say send them with the boys, it is the most loving gesture.

Answer 5

I am so sorry about this happening to you.  My sister works has foster children, and is trying to adopt one at the moment as well, She has:send them with the child, donated them to a local charity or church.  Some she has saved for future foster care children.

Answer 6

give them to the mother if she reclaims her child? if you really love the babies wouldn't you want them to have them with or without you?

Answer 7

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I am sure that your friends and family will be okay with whatever decision you make.

To help the babies adjust to being without you, I think that it would be a loving gesture for you to let them keep some of the items that they are familiar with to comfort them when they leave.  I know that they are very young but babies are very perceptive and become accustomed to their physical surroundings.

I have never been in your shoes, but if it were me I would keep a few things for myself that have special meaning to me - to help me grieve and to help me remember the time that I had with them.

Big hugs coming your way.  Do you have a support group who understands what you are going through?

Answer 8

Oh, at a time like this, don't worry about the ethics of keeping the baby things.  I am sorry this happened to you.  I'm assuming you will still be trying to adopt?  Save the gifts for when you do have your baby.

Answer 9

First of all my deepest sympathy to you and your family.  What a loss.  I would imagine that all your friends and family will understand that you will not be able to use the gifts for the twins.  If you are planning to adopt another child, I would just hang on to the items.  If you are not planning on adopting or having your own then perhaps you could donate the items to families that are in need or even children who are battling illnesses.  You can then write all the people a little note telling them that you appreciated the gifts but due to unforeseen circumstances you are not able to use the items.  You can tell them that you did donate them to a charity, hospital, or the State Department for Foster kids.  

I am very sorry.

Answer 10

Oh no. This is so horrible and it's personally my worst nightmare (as a future adoptive parent). I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your husband. It has to be tearing your heart into after two months of loving those little boys (the love for a child is instant in my heart). There are many things you can do with the gifts. You could keep them for future use, have a garage sale, donate them to a local charity, or save them for your friends and family in case they may need them.

I'll be praying that your worst fear doesn't come true. I hate to hear that these little boys are going to be torn out of your life. Best of luck to you all.

Answer 11

yikes! this is hard right!

Why do you think its not going to work out??

well, if youre adopting again, keep it for the next one or just donate it to a orphanage if your not having anymore kids!

Good Luck! I hope things work erll for you guys!

Answer 12

Dontate them. There are many needey families that cant afford nice items for thier children. If someone gave them to you ... your not out of pocket and Helping the needy!

Thats what I would do.

Answer 13

My husband and I are foster parents but when the first child came into our home we were told that we would be able to adopt her.  We were ecstatic and so were our family and friends!  They did the same thing and showered her with gifts, cloths and toys.  

Well 2 months into it things had changed and by the time she was 9 months old she had to leave us.  It was devastating for everyone.  The day she left us I literally closed the door to her bedroom and did not go back in for weeks, I just couldn't deal with it.  Although I knew there would one day be more babies in my life (by foster care, adoption, or birth) my plan was to just give everything away because there was just too much emotion attached to her things, I felt that I could not handle seeing another child with them.  Every few weeks I would try and get in there to get her things out but I would only get so far and  it always ended in tears.  Well I eventually got everything out of there and into the garage, ready to be given away.  It sat there for awhile because I just didn't have the heart to deal with it.  Then unexpectedly we got a call for a newborn baby boy.  So I thought I'd pull the stuff out give it a try, see if I could handle it or not.  It really was easier than I thought, there were tears but it also was nice to see all of her things again.  It was nice because we didn't have to go and buy all new baby things but really the nicest part of it was having her things  to remember her by.  I still have the blanket she came home from the hospital all wrapped up in and a lot of her special cloths and her favorite toys.  I was going to give that all away because it was too painful for me but now I am so thankful that I did not let my emotions take those wonderful memories away from me.

So I guess that would be my suggestion to you if this terrible thing should happen to your family.  Just put everything aside for now, some time later the pain may subside a bit and you will be glad to have those wonderful mementos that you would not have if you got rid of everything.  I am so sorry you are going through this, I wish you and your family the best of luck .  If you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me.

Answer 14

Well either you can send them with the boys or you can donate them.

hope i helped!

Answer 15

Well, why wouldn't you give them to the boys?  Those items are their possessions, aren't they?

If that's not possible, why not give them to charity?

Answer 16

Awe, omg thats horrible

im sorry! you could have a garage sale

or wait for someone close to you

to have a boy, and they wil gladly

appreciate some things, or save them

and maybe you can try and adopt again

no need to give up

Answer 17

Well, we have been through this, before we were able to adopt our two wonderful chidlren there were a few failed placements.  The first time I had no idea what to do, so I actually went to all the people I could remember what they gave and asked them if they would like for me to give their gift back or donate it.  Most cases they told me they would like for me to keep it or do with it what I thought was best (donating, keeping, or giving to other new parents.)  I actually have only ever had one person actually ask for their gift back.  I some cases I actually kept the items (if they were big like swings, bouncers, saucers, etc.)  Some of the clothes I couldn't bear to see another child in, so I gave to another family or donated to an organization.  

I must say, I really feel for you.  Adoption is a difficult process and having the children in your care for two months just to have it fall through, I know that it must be difficult.