What do you guys think about this story i made?

Question

Can you guys read my fanfiction? Alright it is really a fanfiction based on the video game the Legend of Dragoon, but other people are welcome to read it as well. There isn't to much that a new reader wouldn't understand. Criticism is welcomed. Review on the website, please. It is greatly appreciated!

The link is: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4403003/1/Another_Legend

I have another story that I want you to check out if you have the time:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4506251/1/Kratos_and_the_Dragoons

it is a crossover between God of War and Legend of the Dragoon.

This is an easy 10 points for all you readers out there! And please read it guys.

Answer 1

Oh my gosh hold on I need to get my sister to read this story she was looking for very excellent stories to read in her freetime and non so far she liked but she is going to love this one thanks so so much. Any more stories I read them both?? :)

Answer 2

It sounds good to me, except is Tristan a boy or girl cause in one circumstance it says

“You did?” Tristan moved closer to HER father, interested in his father’s tale.

And then later it says "Anton don't be planting fairy tales into the BOYS head" (or something to that effect).

Also most fathers\ mothers don't tell their children how much their presents cost. Just something to think about, it doesn't sound bad. Let me read your other one and I will come back to edit this and let you know what I think about your other story.

Your second story sounds GREAT!

I have one suggestion. I am assuming where you drew the line it was a new chapter...since the topic completely changed you need to name the chapters.

I also noticed one error (that was it)

"he was secretly hoping he’d get use today" I am assuming you meant..he was secretly hoping he'd get TO use today.

Answer 3

i thought the 1st story was really good it was sad and intense i wish it was longer or made into a book if it was a book i would buy. I dont know much about the game legend og dragoon but i still understood it.

Answer 4

i think its great!i think its good enough to get published!