What do you guys think of these poems?

Question

here are two untitled poems, tell me which one you like best and why (or why not) be honest, but dont be counterproductive, thats a waste of time!

I wake to find you gone,

And I wonder if you even stayed the night,

You couldn't be here with me for long,

I'm just that miserable today.

I turn to the right,

Half expecting money on the dresser,

It seems appropriate in a funny kind of way.

The dresser is empty,

My room is devoid of all thoughts of you,

Except your flowers,

And the scent of your cologne,

I cant even escape you when I'm alone.

and this one:

When I think about you,

I can't recall the good times.

Although I'm sure we had a few. 


I can only remember you telling me

"For once, let's do the right thing". 


And we never talked again. 



It was the right thing to do.




I cleaned my room the other day,

And stumbled upon your flowers.

The stupid daisies you brought me,

On that rainy January day. 



I threw them away

And never looked at them again.

Like we never loved at all.




It was the right thing to do.

tell me what you think!

Answer 1

they are great! check out mine

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Answer 2

I like both, but the second one most. It is about something you regret, in this case being with that boy. But I think the best thing that makes this second poem emotional, is you referring to tidying your bedroom and finding the flowers he gave you. It makes it even more real when you describe the day. A rainy January day.

Well done!

Answer 3

I don't like these poems, they are quite depressing...

Answer 4

I really liked the second one-I can relate to it I suppose,and I think it's quite a beautiful piece.I'm always suspicious towards amateur poetry(and poets in general these days),but I thought those two were pretty good.Thank you for sharing.

Answer 5

There really good =)

Answer 6

I enjoyed both of these poems.

However, I did have a slight problem with the line "And never looked at them again" in the second poem. My thought, immediately upon reading it, was, "Of course you didn't look at them again. You threw them away."

Other than that... they are both lovely!

Answer 7

I like the second one better, I guess I picked up on the flow more.

I'm not very good at poetry, but I did like the repetition of 'It was the right thing to do', and how it shows that the speaker feels he was throwing her away the same way she threw away the flowers - but subjected to doing so because 'it was the right thing to do'.

Am I right? I quite liked that :)

Answer 8

  k honestly, I like the second one best. The only thing i like about the first poem is the last line. although i like the concept; i feel like its just UNoriginal.

  

   The second poem reminds me of a song i wrote..too much like a song i wrote actually. probably why i like it so much. but im getting counterproductive.

    

     soo all in all i like the second one alot. but the first one has been done before (in my eyes).

Answer 9

I prefer the first one, i'm not sure why, but they are both really good, maybe even good enough to enter in a poetry competition.

Answer 10

the second

Answer 11

the second on sorry but i didnt like the 1st one too much

the second is more organized the first is just words together like sentences but the second is GREAT

good job sorry if i hurt ur feelings bout the first x[

Answer 12

Here's my honest opinion -

1st -

Seems sketchy and disjointed. Example by what I mean -

"I wake to find you gone

And I wonder if you even stayed the night."

To me it's like do you know what's happening? Were you trying to imply that you were drunk last night and has no recollection about it? Your first sentence imply that you knew 'he' was with you, because you found 'him' gone; then you wondered if 'he' stayed the night??? It does not make logical sense to me.

With the mention of money, does it imply that you are being paid for 's*x'?

I prefer the 2nd one though. It's very poignant. Very in touch with your true feelings. Good job!

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Answer 13

:'}"''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''... those are both sweet as hellz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the first one seems to have bunches of emotion and the second one seems to be about regret.. very very good you made this guy tear up! im seriouse reely reely good on both idk wich one is bttr

Answer 14

not bad

Answer 15

The first poem speaks to me.  The first moments of the coming heartache, knowing he is gone, but still unsure that there is a hope.  

The second has the bitterness of time to flavor it, you know he is gone it is over and the hope is gone.

Answer 16

they are alright...a little drabby...B+

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Answer 17

I dont really study poetry much, but I love both of your poems.

They both wreak of heartache and I can feel the pain probably more because I have felt that way before myself.

The first one is probably easier to understand for people reading who have never been in love/experienced heartache whereas the second one would be more understandable to those who have lost a loved one.

Its a really hard choice but I'm going to choose the second one as it shows slightly just a bit of healing and moving on with your life as the person in the poem, perhaps you? has had the courage to throw the flowers away.

They are great poems hun! you sound a really talented and deep person :)

xxxxx

Answer 18

I like them both. I really enjoy poetry and these are both nice =) Couldnt choose a fave =P

Answer 19

Beautiful to say the least. Have you just broken up with someone?