What do you lot think of the situaton im in...?

Question

My sister has a daughter who is nearly 7 months old, named Hallie.

My sister works away, she gets a plane to london on sunday evening and doesnt come back until late friday night or early saturday morning, depending when she can get the flights. So therefore hallie lives with me for all but one and a half days of the week. Her mum has actually said to me Hallie knows me better therefore i should take her to doctors etc.

Isnt this kind of a sad case? Hallie knows her auntie more than her own mother?

It never really occured to me until someone said that to me...

Im now scared that Hallies going to grow up kind of confused because not only does she see me as her mother figure, but she sees my fiance as her father figure,and when she does see her mam she sort of forgets who she is.

I love hallie, but it breaks my heart to think im taking her mums role in her life, especially as my sister loves her job and cannot quit...what can i do to make her know her mam more?

Its bad isnt it :(

Answer 1

well really its up 2 her mum 2 make sure she has a bond wiv her daughter theres not really much u can do being she is only 7 months old wen shes a bit older u can show her dvds video etc of her mum wen shes not around i cant understand any mum leaving there child that long anyway to be honest i no we all joke it would be nice 2 only have ur kids a couple of days a week but i couldnt live without mine

Answer 2

Dear Friend,

When you are faced with such a predicament, you should completely leave her alone, when her mom is there. My mommy and i are very close, and she wasn't around much, when i was a child.

Yours Truely,

Nigel Tangworm.

Answer 3

Your a great Aunt!  I know your sister loves her job but her baby comes first and she should really find a different one that allows her to spend more time with her daughter.

Answer 4

I'm sure Hallie will figure out who her mother is, and also who her nurturer is.... many kids are "raised" by nannies and others, without repercussion, and all family situations are different

I think that, if you are happy with the situation as it is, and you and your fiance offer the child love and care, then that's very important and healthy for the child.  

Your sister CAN quit her job, she just chooses not to.

Answer 5

at least she has someone who cares.

Answer 6

well i can kinda see where you are coming from, but i think that as she gets older she will realise the situation and at least you are family and not someone random or something, as long as she knows she is loved and is cared for that is what is important

and, as somone has already said, your sister *can* quit her job... and maybe she will eventually, i think she is bound to get fed up of being away from her baby for soooo long

Answer 7

Well, I understand that it saddens you. But the best thing for the child would be a mother figure. And if her mom can't give it to her, it might as well be her aunt. I think what you should do is sit your sister down and talk to her about it. I think if you really love the child, you should take care of her. And if it means taking care of the child as if she were your own, then, you should do it.  Hope this helps!

Answer 8

Wow how could anyone prefer their job over their child? I cannot understand that.  I'd live in poverty so that I could spend time with my son (well I do, lol!)

Hallie is very young yet and won't understand the difference between mummy and auntie.  As she gets older you will be able to explain to her who mummy is and who auntie/uncle are and why mummy has to go away in the week.  She won't be confused once she is old enough to understand.

I agree its sad but there really isn't anything you can do about it.  Your sister needs to take her responsibilities more seriously.  We all have to give things up for our children - people who think they can dump their baby on someone else and carry on as before are very, very wrong . . .

My cousin and his wife both "love their jobs" as wlel and they dump their son in a daycare all day every day - he gets dropped off at 8am and picked up at 6pm.  I don't think thats any sort of life for a child.  And they're now expecting another one who'll be dumped in daycare all day from about 9 months old.  Anyone who "loves their job" so much maybe needs to think about not having kids in the first place!

Answer 9

it doesn't matter if your sister loves her job or not she has a responsibility to her kid now if she wasn't ready for one then she shouldn't have had one. Your sister is not being a good mother and as her sister you should stand up and say something to her. Or maybe you should fight for custody of your niece I would not allow my sisters to treat their kids like that and you shouldn't either

Answer 10

I dont think there is anything you can do. Shes only 7 months old and her mom has a good job. I would talk to her mom about it and see what she thinks. Just keep loving her!

Answer 11

She'll understand better as she gets older. At least she has so many people that do care about her.

Answer 12

its not fair on this child , your sister should not have had a child if she isnt willing to look after her most of the time . no wonder your niece frets for you  she thinks you are her mum and your sister is the aunt explain this to your sister and tell her the bond with her child is no match with any job no matter how well she may be paid . At least your niece knows she has you and your fella to look up to as parent roles .. keep it up . Your niece doesnt know any better and wont do till she is older and talking so there isnt much you can do at the minute .. but good luck anyway

Answer 13

I can understand your predicament and you and your partner are doing a fantastic job....Well done!!!!!!!!!!!

Your sister may be working this hard to give her daughter the life she deserves but she has to understand that she has a massive commitment to her daughter.  Has she got post-natal depression or is she more worried about her job?  The longer it goes on the less little un' will bond with her.  I'm assuming the father isn't around.  You are a very understanding person but lets remember the whole point here is about Hallie.  Do what you and your partner thinks best.  Bring her up as Mum and Dad or make your sister take responsibility for her daughter.  I know you'll make the right decision so I won't say good luck.  But, Good Luck.

Answer 14

What do you mean she can't quit?  There's other jobs out there-ones that don't involve so much travel.  Where is the dad in this situation?  Your sister shows no remorse or regret that she's not spending time with her daughter?  I just find that odd.  There's nothing you can do- she's only 7 months old.  They're going to latch onto whomever they spend the most time with and who cares for them.   She's lucky to have you and your fiance.  But, how long are you expecting this to go on?

Answer 15

your very good and ur niece is lucky to have you ! but your sister needs to get her priorities straight she needs to be with her child more but at the end of the day all hallie needs is love and someone to care for her keep up the good work its your sister that will regret this in the long run

Answer 16

Your sister is not doing her job as a mother.  You say she loves her job, but does she love that more than her own daughter?  We're not talking about being away for 8-10 hours a day here....5-6 days a week is just too much.  Your sis needs to think about changing jobs or moving to London with her daughter.  Her absence from her child's life is not allowing the proper bonds to be created.  Her job may be wonderful, but not near as important as that little girl.  Good luck.

Answer 17

To me, it would make more sense for the mom to move to london where she works, and hire a nanny to watch the baby while she is at work.  That way, they could atleast be together during the evening.

It is sad, but its really not that much different from what happens every day with people who work.  

My step dad's nefew...  The mom and dad both work about 50 hours a week.  The kids stay with their Grandma.  By the time the mom and dad come home from work, the kids are asleep.  They wake up long enough to go to their own house, get baths, and then go back to bed.  They spend less than 2 hours a day with their parents, and its the same on the weekend too.

With one of my nanny jobs, I was with the baby more than the parents.  I didnt work on the weekend, but I was with the baby for about 60 hours during the week.  When the parents were home, the baby was asleep.

Its a situation many people are in.