What do you make of this?

Question

Alone on a Balcony One Calm Evening

I feel so at peace out here

Sitting in the twilight.

The silence no longer feeds our nerves-

I'm surprised at how far we've come.

Slowly, stumbling, I start to speak,

And quietly you listen

As I reveal all I care to tell-

My joys, my worries, frustrations.

And every now and then your face lights up;

I hear laughter never I've heard before.

The way you listen is so encouraging;

It tells me that you care.

After all our secret advances,

When I couldn't even look you in the eye,

I can feel something small inside-

There might really be something there.

-swoosh

Answer 1

Nothing like the feeling of being alone together.  It's a lovely loving poem.  Enjoy the attentiveness while it lasts ;)

Answer 2

its very cute

great job

Answer 3

This is really a classic description of the process of the journey of souls opening to one another through developing relationships.  I love it.  It flows like butter and could genuinely be a classic love poem.

Answer 4

wow that's deep, i can relate sorta. i think it's great.

Answer 5

Only one adverse comment, really.  When you say 'Alone on the Balcony....' it then comes as a surprise to find you aren't!

Unless you are, and you are talking to yourself....but, that doesn't seem to fit either.

I can feel SOMETHING small inside.....followed by There might really be SOMETHING there. Seems a little weak.

Positive critique....the opening is lovely.  I may be alone in this, but I much prefer poems which are visual, rather than those which speak of inner feelings....and I can picture this so well....

I feel so at peace out here

Sitting in the twilight

Listening to the cicadas,

harmonising with the wind

in the ancient pines.

(sorry, I got a bit carried away)

Answer 6

LOVE IT!!! Love the way it flows:)