What do you say to family that is mad that your husband is joining the military?

Question

My mom is very mad at my husband right now. He is going back into the military after about 10 yrs of being out. We haven't told his parents yet because they will react the same way.

What do you say when they ask you why? What do you say when the say he is stupid for doing this? (especially now during war-time and right before a re-election.) What do you say to the lack of support that your family is supposed to give you, especially for serving your country?!?!?!

Any suggestions that will not fuel the fire and won't make them want to disown us?

We also have 3 children. ages 7 1/2, 2 1/2, and 13 months.

Answer 1

Tell all the parents that it is none of their d**n business how you and he decide to how to live your life's and raise your children. As long as your kids have food in their bellies and clothes on their back and receive an education, Gramp's and grannies can take it and tuck it. They should be popping their buttons with pride that their son (in-law) would step up and, for a second time, serve and defend his country WITH OUT BEING ASKED! Go to your respective parents, tell them the news, pop a salute, and hit the trail. You don't need this kind of negativity in your life. Your husband is the definition of Honor.

God bless you, your children and your MAN.

Answer 2

I agree that you don't owe them an explanation.  However, I see their side of it too.

Your parents: worried about their daughter being a widow and their grandchildren fatherless.

His parents: worried they will lose a son and have a widowed daughter in law and fatherless granchildren.

I'm not saying he is wrong but I do understand the concern.

Answer 3

It'll be fine after a couple of months. My family reacted the same way when i decided to join this year. They wont stay mad forever, they are just upset that you will be leaving them again and they wont be able to be as involved with you and your children as they would like. Find out exactly WHY your husband is joining and tell them that when they ask why.

Answer 4

You tell them that your husband is a grown man who is doing what he thinks best. You tell them that you, as his wife, love him and respect his decision and that if they, his loving family can't do the same then they should at least have the decency to no say anything to the kids about it.

Answer 5

Why do you have to explain anything you do to your parents? You both are adults and they have to accept what your family does whether they like it or not. I'm not saying disown them. But your parents have no say so on what you two decide for your family. Nor should you be letting them have any leeway on decisions about your family

But, if you must you tell them, Tell that after some discussion between you and your husband you both know that you are doing what you feel is right you your family.

Let your family know that however your respect their opinions, that will not change choices that you feel are best for your family. And that if they want to start a argument, and cause any negativity in your family by causing drama you will not talk to them until they can realize that you have your own family and you do what is best for them and they have to respect that.

Good luck

  

Answer 6

It is your life.  You don't owe them anything.  You can tell them you can either give us your support or not but this is what we are going to do.  They can just get over it.  My mother in law was not happy when my hubby joined 8 yrs ago and she has kinda gotten over it.  She reminds him every now and then that he should not have joined but he is grown and can make his own decisions

Answer 7

Let them know that he is making this choice NOW so that your children will be ABLE  to make the CHOICE in the future.

In other words: He is serving now in order to secure the future for his family. Without military volunteers our country is vulnerable to other forces that may take away our choices.

Answer 8

You tell them he is fighting for there RIGHT to not agree with war and there RIGHT to live in this nation as a free citizen.

You tell them he is doing what is right for his family and his own life.

Answer 9

I didn't know that a family had to justify its actions to mommy and daddy...

He is not necessarily stupid for this, although you guys would be much better off for him to get a good-paying job instead of just jumping back into the military. It's a life for a bachelor, not a parent and spouse.

During war-time isn't all that big of a deal. You're much more likely to get killed by a drunk driver than get killed in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Just answer the questions they throw at you. If you two can't answer WHY your husband wants to go into the military again, that's the real issue here. When my mom was upset with me enlisting, I knew why I wanted to go in and gave her the answer. You, instead, are asking us to give you answers so you can tell your parents that your husband is not crazy. The fact that neither of you seem to know WHY he's going back into the military is, in fact, crazy.

Answer 10

Well it is hard when it is family. When I first joined the Navy my mom wasn't happy about it. She thought I should have gotten married. But she was mad about women joining.

She actually told me that I should have married a military man and that was not what she wanted her daughter doing.

She got over it in time. She has since then told me that she was proud of me and all of that was because she was just worried.

I don't think anyone is stupid for wanting to join the military. Everyone has to do what their heart tells them to do. I've been out for about a year and a half now and it is hard out here. I miss the Navy sometimes.

It is a completely different way of life and unless you have lived it, it is hard to understand.

You are grown people. If your husband has been out for 10 years I am guessing that he is at least 30 or close to it. He is old enough to do what he needs to do to provide for his family. As long as you support him you all should be ok.

I'm sorry that the folks are against it. But there comes a time when a man must leave his mom and dad and cleve to his wife. (it is even somewhere in the Bible..but it is not really about religion)

Even though you are grown and can make your own decisions it is always better when you have a families blessings. Sometimes that doesn't happen and you have to learn to deal with it. I know it is hard.

Just try to remain calm and try to understand that your parents might be worried about all sorts of stuff. They are going to miss you, they are going to miss the grandchildren. They are going to worry about him going to war...so instead of saying all of that they try to put it down.

Maybe they really hate the military (I hope not) but it is most likely your parrents  are worried. So give them a little time to digest it... if they are like mine they will come around and be all for it.

Good luck

Answer 11

You have to answer this question.r,e enlisting after a year,  yea, he misses the military, etc etc,

Heard it before.

After 10 years.he';s either running away from something, or looking for something he can't find at home.

Answer 12

Is he married to your mom or you?  What does it matter what they think because they are not married to your dh you are.  you are the person who sleeps with him every night in bed, they are your children that you created, care for and put to bed each night.  

Is this is a decision YOU TWO reached together?  Is this a decision YOU TWO feel is right for you right now?  Is this a decision that YOU BOTH believe you can handle?  Is this a decision YOU TWO can handle financially.   If your families cut you off because he joined the military something that he obviously feels proud to do then your family has serious problems.  Yes he does have a chance of being killed or injured but so do they as they drive down the street to the grocery store.  

Answer 13

You dont' owe anyone an explanation. Simply say, "thank you for your concern but we've thought this through and feel it is the best situation for our family. We are adults capable of making our own decisions"

Answer 14

You don't owe them an explanation. You are all adults, and entitled to make your own decisions as well has have your own opinions as to what is best for whom.

If they disown you over something like this, then honestly perhaps this was the best thing for you and your family. But I honestly doubt it would come to that. They are simply concerned and have no problems voicing their opinions. YOu can't let his or your family run your own life. Time to be strong and firm, and stand up for yourselves.

All of this is easy for me to say...I come from a military family with my dad having served in Vietnam, my brother in Desert Storm and me in Operation Iraqi Freedom. I know there are folks out there who have difficulty when a loved one is serving during a time of war or multiple conflicts. But take comfort in knowing that you and your husband are doing what you feel is the right thing.

Answer 15

I would ask them, "Who's supposed to be in our military, if not able-bodied patriotic American men like him? Who would you send? Will you go in his place?"

I'm sorry, but people who say things like your parents say make me sick.