What do you say to someone who had a miscarriage recently?

Question

My friend told me she had a miscarriage yesterday night. I cried most of the night because she's my best friend and I felt her pain. What should I say to her in times like this? " I'm Sorry "?

Answer 1

I think the fact that you cried for her exudes your compassion.  I would tell her I'm sorry and let her know that you're there.  I would ask her if she needs anything and try to be at her side.

Answer 2

I had a miscarriage and it was an awful experience, my best friend was simply there to listen to me and she was a shoulder to cry on.  You don't have to say any special words-just listen.

Answer 3

Everyone's right...just be there for her and let her talk.  The one thing NOT to say or even infer is that she will have other children.  My young neighbor brought her baby to term and it wa strangled by the umbilical cord during delivery.  I saw her sitting on her porch shortly after that, and I pulled in her driveway and sat with her, just listening...about how she and her husband were mad at God, etc., etc.  Anyway, one of the things she said was something like this:  "If one more person tells me I'm still young and that I will have more children, I'm going to scream at them."  You have to allow a person who has undergone this type of tragedy to grieve.  In other words, don't try to "cheer" her up.  A death has occurred, and that's the way to relate to her.  Bringing over a casserole or offering to help with anything she needs is appropriate too.

Answer 4

Be there for her.  You don't really need to say anything.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

I think that's the best you can do.  

Answer 6

I am in the process right now of a miscarriage. It's been really hard emotionally on me, my husband and the rest of my family.  BUT, I've also got the mindset of being THANKFUL for having my beautiful 14 month old son who I carried full term and had a very normal (and easy) pregnancy and birth.  Figure out how your friend deals with stress or tragedies that have happened in the past. For me, hearing the "I'm sorries" were comforting, but at the same time, I almost wanted to "get over it" and not keep hearing those things. Sometimes, it made things harder to hear those things. It was actually more comforting to ME to continue my life on as normal and grieve at home with my husband at times. I hope this helps. I think you're on the right track by really wanting to help your friend. Friends and family are what get us through these tough times, but definetely follow your friend's lead. If she is the kind that wants to move on, then let her.  I know that it's REALLY helped me just to continue my life on as normal.

Goodluck and you're a really good friend!!!! =)

Answer 7

I've had two miscarriages recently.  I agree with the previous post-do not tell her that she can have more children.  Also, don't tell her that it wasn't a real baby or say that it was good that it happened early in her pregnancy.  To your friend, this was a real baby-she had hopes, dreams, and love for this baby.  She doesn't care right now that she can other children-she is greiving the loss of this child.  Just let her talk.  Hold her why she cries.  Mayber verbalize her feelings-her loss, her anger, her sadness.  I'm so sorry for your friend and for you.    

Answer 8

Hug her when you go and see her... go and visit her and give her a hug. That says more than words between best friends... x*x I know someone who had a stillbirth.. the baby was born dead. that's even more tough.. they have a son named Gabriel and they already had picked a name for their girl as they knew it would be a girl.. so instead of having a celebration birth.. they had to say their baby died and instead of having a little bundle of joy named Rebecca Gabrielle they had to put that name on her tombstone.. that's sad. Even sadder than a miscarriage to see your baby and you have to bury it and even give it a name even though it is dead when it comes out of the mothers womb.. and they have to pay for a funeral instead of for a great joyous celebration...  Yes be there for her.. give her time.. use silence when she wants to be quiet. and listen when she wants to talk and if she cries, let her cry as that can help her to cope with it and sometimes people do need councelling if she should be very depressed talk openly to her about it and to her husband.. it's up to them but you can show concern but hopefully she won't need it and yes.. ask her if you can help with anything... and if distraction helps do that. if she prefers to talk about it, it may help her cope .. so be a good listener and learn to read body language.. ask her if she acts a lot differently how she is really feeling and don't leave her alone if she says she needs you there.. if you can...xx

Answer 9

I also had a miscarriage many years ago, and the one thing you don't say to her is "maybe it was for the best, something could have been wrong with the baby". The best thing is just be there for her and if she want to talk Let her. Don't try to tell her you know how she fell because unless you lost a baby you don't know.