What do you tell your children about death?

Question

I have a 5 and 4 year and for some reason lately all they want to ask about is what is going to happen when they die. They get really upset about it and come up with things you wouldnt believe. What should I tell them about death to get them to stop worrying and thinking about it?

Answer 1

just lie or get them a wii or nintendo tell them  whenever they feel like that they should play their nintendo or wii

Answer 2

It takes 100 years to die and dies means that fall asleep.I'm not sure if it'll work but it's worth a try.

Answer 3

I think u should tell your children that death is simply when u go to a long sleep. And then, u go to heaven, where it is fun and u get lots of good things. Also, tell them that in heaven, they would never have to study and go to school

Answer 4

you tell ur children that is when you go to sleep for a while

Answer 5

Please, please don't tell a child dying is like going to sleep.  All this does is make them fear going to sleep, which is going to be a much bigger problem for you.  Depending on your relgious beliefs, tell your child a very simple version of what you think happens.  Then be sure to reassure them that you are not going to die for a very long time.  Thinking about death is a very natural thing for a child of this age to do.  To try to get them to stop thinking about it by avoiding it would only do them harm.  However, if you think they are completely preoccupied with death, there may be an underlying fear or reason that needs to be dealt with.

Answer 6

I have a 7 and a 5 year old.  I have always told them that when you get sick or hurt and Mommy's and Doctors can't make you better then God will take you to heaven and he will make you better and he will let you stay there until mommy and daddy can come and be with you forever.  When he asks how long it will be I always say that time goes by really really fast in Heaven and it will only seem like a few seconds no matter how long it is.  I also tell him that Heaven is so wonderful and he will have so much fun that he won't even miss me.  Of course this only works if you actually believe in Heaven.  Hope it helps.

Answer 7

That death happens, and that  the body rots in the ground while the soul either passes on to heaven in eternal bliss or burns tortuously in h**l. And that their fate will be the latter if they on't stop asking questions.

No, not really.

Tel them that death is what ends life, and that you go on to an afterlife once you die. Put it gently, and don't let them be afraid, but don't give them too many detail. That will spark a sort of morbid curosity and they will only ask more questions.

Answer 8

If you are thinking of a religious answer, I think it is important to recognize how children this age think about religion.  The most comprehensive study on this was James Fowler's study of Faith Development.

Despite how I guessed children think about religion, children do not think of God in terms of an actual person.  This comes much later.  Children actually have a higher theology of God and describe him more as what we might think of as a presence or other abstract ideas.

Find out what they believe first.  If they are asking, they have done some thinking on it before hand.  Accept what they say and describe that "we don't know, but I like your idea."  If you want to share your ideas, feel free to do so; but keep it age appropriate.

The answers above about not saying the sleeping thing are correct.  Even if this is part of what you believe, the child will not fully understand that.  

Matt

Answer 9

Never tell your children it's like going to sleep - they will never be comfortable going to sleep again!  Rose's answer is right on the money - if they are worried about losing you or their dad, you can tell them that you take very good care of yourselves and you are planning on being there with them for a very long time.  Children of that age do not need to know all the specifics, just what they can comprehend.

Answer 10

Jaime Lee Curtis has some great books that explain death in a way for children to easily understand...

Answer 11

I would just tell them that when someone dies they are just leaving earth and going to heaven where it is always warm and loving. Also, tell them that death is far off and they have to experience a lot of other great times before they die.

Answer 12

I agree 105% with Rose. Never say it's sleeping.

Answer 13

Tell them the story of Lazarus.  How his mother and sister cried.  But Jesus said, "He's just sleeping."  Lazarus had been dead for four days.  Even his family said he had started to smell.  Jesus, seeing their grief went in and told Lazarus to get up.  When he did his flesh seemed like a young child's.

This was written to tell us something.  In John 5:28-29 it said that there will be a time when all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice(Jesus) and come out.  So, it is as if you fell into a deep sleep and then you will be joining all those who have been resurrected.(which in Greek means, "A standing up again.")

As for telling them about falling asleep. Tell him that it is something like that.  Or when put under when you have surgery.  Remember, we spend 18 years teaching them not to lie.....we have to set the example.

Answer 14

Three years ago my daughter-in-law learned that the baby she was carrying had a birth defect that was incompatible with life.  She had two older children, ages two and a half and five that needed to know what was happening.  I ordered some books for them from Centering Corporation.  You can find what books they carry at www.centering.org.  The books were well written and helped small children deal with their feelings and fears through the birth and immediate death of their baby brother.

Carol K

Answer 15

tell them you go to a better place