What do you think I wrote this and I have it posted on another site but I wanted more comments about it.?

Question

Time

A fiery pit of blackness,

a wall of ice.

A time to wait

and...

a time to lie.

Black water, rippling

hitting a current.

Hurting you, embracing you, pulling you in.

I found the day,

as night found me.

Time slows,

letting you pass.

One day, time will pass you by,

leaving you behind to finish the journey.

Answer 1

having lost hope, then regaining it...then maybe loosing it again, I'm not sure though. It's really great!

Answer 2

It rambles too much, rippling black water and hitting a current have nothing to do with time, nor does hurting, embracing or pulling.

try again

Answer 3

Loved it!   great job. pre emotion.you used precisely the right words to convey the emotions. i felt it. keep it up!

Answer 4

its kinda too abstract. try maybe some similis (similys?) to connect it w/ reality...

Answer 5

Thats kind emo.

Remember to always look on the bright side of life. If you can't flip over your life to get to the bright side then, punch a few holes in the dark side to let the light through. I like to do this by drinking, doing drugs, or answering people questions with utter nonsense.

Anthony Pittarelli