What do you think? Is this a form of cheating?

Question

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS AND MY HUSBAND DOESN'T TALK MUCH TO ME ANYMORE. I AM GOOD TO HIM AND WHEN HE COMES HOME FROM WORK I FIX HIM SOMETHING TO DRINK. WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT EVERY ONE'S OPINION IS OF MY HUSBAND TALKING TO WOMEN ON THE INTERNET. HE LETS ME KNOW HE IS DOING IT AND HIS 17 YEAR OLD SON THINKS IT IS OKAY FOR HIM TO DO IT; HOWEVER I DON'T TALK TO ANY MEN ON THE INTERNET AND I JUST DON'T FEEL IT IS RIGHT. HE TALKED TO ONE WOMAN AND SHE STARTED TALKING ABOUT s*x AND EVEN SHOWED HIM A PICTURE OF HER TOPLESS. MY HUSBAND DIDN'T EVEN TELL HER THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO TALK TO. THAT HE'D RATHER TALK TO A STRANGE WOMAN RATHER THAN ME. I HAVE TOLD HIM THAT I DON'T LIKE IT AND HE HAS EVEN GOT MAD AT ME. THIS IS HIS 4TH MARRIAGE AND MY 1ST. WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS THIS CHEATING? WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO? SHOULD I JUST IGNORE IT? OR WHAT? I NEED SOME IDEAS ON WHAT I SHOULD DO. HE HAS EVEN BEEN ON THE COMPUTER RIGHT WHEN HE GOT HOME FROM WORK AND GOT OFF ONLY TO EAT DINNER. THEN GOT BACK ON THE COMPUTER AND STAYED ON IT UNTIL HE WENT TO BED. NOT EVEN SAYING MUCH AT ALL TO ME. PLEASE, ANY IDEAS ON WHAT I SHOULD DO?

Answer 1

uhm of course it is hon. he knows what hes doing. comon' your husbands a dirtbag. ask him what is it that is so good about that c**p when he has all of it 24 7? is it sumthing that he has tried to hide from you? hum theres a clue.he  is cheating on you. trust me thats how  it all starts. alittle conversation on the computer turns into meet me here or meet me there. TELL HIM NO. and topless?> are you serious? do you think its ok for him to look at c**p like that? then yy do you would you think it should continue?theres absalutely no reason to be talking to random weman on line. esp. if your married. he could get in big trouble too. try consiling.  dont let him did a hole that deep. trust me one time cheating will turn out to be an everyday thing

email me for more adivice and i hope i helped make it clear. and talk to your husband about that

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Answer 2

I think thats nonsense! There is no reason for him to talk to some strange women online. No offense but what a jerK! Thats ridiculous! I think he has issues and i would see to going to a counselor, because there are obvious issues in the relationship. He doesnt need to be talking to women online, there is no need for it, and it just creates more problems..

omgosh..that makes me so angry! I would tell you to dump his @$$ but a counselor is probably a better answer.

I wish you best of luck and something has to be done with this issue, i would not ignore it.

Answer 3

ok. so, #1. you guys live on a planet thats pretty full of people. so you shouldn't act like you dont and expect each other to only talk....to each other. eh should definately be allowed to have friends, because otherwise he'll feel like he's trapped, and might feel the need to break loose and REALLY do something to end your marriage over. so as a human being he needs to communicate with people other than you-male and female.

that having been said. his 17 year old son is:

1. a guy.

2. his father's son

3. 17 years old. so he's a horny puppy anyway. of COURSE he's going to agree with his old man. what do you think his son would say if he shot somebody? he's probably be right there in court saying "FREE MY DAD!"

one of the things about being in a relationship with someone you deeply love, is that you respect them, and you don't respect them because you have to you do it because you want to. when you're deeply in love with someone, it's not even that you don't want to cause an argument, it's that you don't want to cause your partner the pain that is going to cause them to argue in the first place. i would never cheat on my husband because i wouldn't want to hurt him that way. the exact questions that you're asking now? i would never want to put him through wondering whether he's good enough for me, or what he did wrong, or whats wrong with him etc. because the answer is-NOTHING is wrong with him, he does satisfy me, and if he werent' satisfying me, i'm invested enough in our relationship to come to him and say "babe...can we work on this?" So basically, things that I know are going to hurt him, cause him to feel disrespected, or cause him to question our love, i do everything in my power to avoid. Not because I'm a mindless robot desgined to worshiponly him-but becaue i truly LOVE the man and care about how he feels. and what makes our marriage work is not that I love HIM that way, but that we both love each OTHER that way. <-- nowhere in any of that did any third parties come in.

when someone feels the need to go to an outside person for reassurance, for comfort, to get needs met etc. it's because they've given up on working out between the two of you. either they don't know HOW to come to you and work it out, or they don't even want to and would just rather something else.

having friends isn't bad. when you got married, you basically said that you were the most important people in each others lives and you wanted it to stay that way forever. My homegirl jennifer is pretty d**n important to me, and i love her, and i would jump in front of a car so that nothing would happen to her. but i'm going to do what i need to do to save my marriage before saving my friendship with her. because she's my best friend, but babe is my BEST BEST BEST friend, who holds me at night.

if babe said to me "....amanda you've been on that computer for entirely too long. i feel ignored." (it wud sound more like: "puneta cono apaga esa m!elda ya!") if he said that i would be like "whoa....red flag!" and chill witht he computer business. because the computer, and whoever i'm talking to is not more important than me respecting my husbands feelings.

the only way someone WOULD stay on the computer, is if the opposite were true-that whoever they're talking to on the computer IS actually more important to then than their husbands needs.

and the thing about it is that your husband isn't just playing online poker-he's actually TALKING to people. connecting with other individuals. and not just other people mama, but other WOMEN.

sooo....connecting with other women is more important then being at home and relaxing with his woman and conversating with you??? about the woman with the topless picture.....mamita do i really have to say anything? we judge situations and get feelings about htem for a reason. you knw how you hesitate before stepping into a dark room? it's because subconsciously you know that anything could be inside. you know why you feel funy about the topless woman thing? because you KNOW its wrong.but if you really need someone else to say it for you ti validate it in your mind-i'll say it. IT'S WRONG. it's MESSED UP. it's RIDICULOUS. i wish my husband would catch me looking at some guys peepee. we'd be up fighting all night. i wish I would catch HIM looking....we would be up fighitng for weeks!

so ok, snce you knew before you typed this question that your husband is bugging, and is definately in the wrong-what should you do about it?

i dont think it makes sense to talk to him and try to work it out, because obviously he doesn't have the saem goal you do. you want ya'lls marriage to work and last forever. you want intimacy and connection and romance. if he wanted that too-you're right there. he would have just turned off the computer and come play with you. if not the first, then the 2nd or 3rd time you said it. he's not interested.

one of the things that a woman needs on a real basic fundamental level is to feel s**y, desired and loved. so you need to find someone who wants to make you feel that way even when you dont ask for it, and who sees you as important and valuable. you need to find someone who cooks for YOU sometimes.

Answer 4

Well not to offend you, but your his 4th wife, that's a RED FLAG right there. I'm currently engaged and I don't even want other girls looking at my fiance. I am a little bit of the jealous type. Anyways, you are correct that is not right, especially that women he doesn't even know are sending him nude pictures! How corrupted? I think you need to sit down and talk to him and explain your feelings to him and explain how you feel about is behavior. If that doesn't work, I would consult a marriage counselor, if you believe in that. After that, might want to call an divorce attorney and let him look for his 5th wife. Maybe if you do end up getting divorced you can suggest for him to look for his next wife on the internet. I'm sorry if I offended you, but how pathetic.

Answer 5

hey girl apparently he is selfish and doesnt care about what you think or are feeling. He is not giving you enough attention. If i were you I would leave him, seriously he probably meets this girl online and prob banging them in person. girl he really doesnt care and is letting you know he doesnt care anymore about your relationship. he is saying pack your **** and get out, cuz he is putting it out and doesnt care if you know it or dont. im sorry girl but if i were you id file for divorce and kick his *** to the curve. its barely ur first marriage and his 4th. dont swet youll find a real man out there

Answer 6

Is it cheating?

Maybe, maybe not, but it is taking something away from your marriage if he chooses to spend all his time talking on the computer and not at all to you. He is depriving you of his time because he's too busy with these other women. If he chooses to ignore you, your needs, then it is "cheating" the marriage out of his presence within it.

If he is putting all of his emotions into the contact with them, and not with you, then that does take it away from your marriage.

It is disrespectful of you if he refuses to listen to you, to even consider your point of view and your feelings.

Talking to another woman about s*x, and her sending him topless pictures means to me that he HAS stepped over the line. Would he like it if you did that with another man?

Perhaps the question you need to find the answer to is "What needs of his are being met by this constant need to have contact with other women?". And perhaps even more pertinent "Was the computer "chatting" a factor in the other 3 divorces?" The fact that his son accepts this behavior as normal may indicate that to be the case.

Was cheating a factor? Did he meet you that way, there on the Net? While he was still married? Is that why you worry?  

Answer 7

CB this is wrong. He is your husband, your life partner/companion. If he respects you as his wife he would stop because even if its not wrong(which it IS) its something you don't like and he should respect your decision. Its not technically cheating, but its emotionally cheating. He is building these "Cyb-er relationships" with these women, and hes not putting up walls. IE that women that sent him that photo, was she aware he was married? probably not. and if she was he should have put a stop to that behavior, or simply stop chatting with her. if he did this to just simply escape from daily stresses, he would not behave in that manner, being on the computer constantly chatting to women is not good. You should put a stop to this!