What do you think...? [Please, I really need your opinion]?

Question

My hands will wait for yours.

For you I only adore.

My lips will whisper those words.

Through all those sleepless nights.

Don’t you realize? It’s all you.

The only one I can’t go a day without.

My mind cant ever let go. Will it ever?

You’re holding the piece. The only one I really need.

For this heart to beat again.

When will you return the meaning of this existence?

I’ve cried out and reached out.

But your too far gone.

I remained right here where you laid.

My hands in yours. Those arms holding me so tight.

As we exchange our smile.

Where are you now?

You’d never know the reasons why!

You left me with these memories and emotions.

All these devotions for you.

Where are you now?

Will you ever know the reasons why its true?

What can I do now for you to hear these words?

These pictures will never talk back.

I continue to spill my heart out to this.

Should it matter?

In my head. In my mind. In my thoughts.In my heart. In my smile. In my life. Your always there.

But you’d never know the reasons why.

Is this what you want? Your love as my punishment?

Having you, but never getting to hold you.

Loving you, but never getting to show you.

I never got the chance to tell you

I love you.

______________________________________...

Suggestions? What can I add or delete?

Comments?

Thank You!

Answer 1

It is very romantic. I can really feel what you are saying. It is deep.

Answer 2

Nice work.....it's emotive and expresses emotions bout love in more then one way!!

Keep writing

Answer 3

You are so great! Please pick me

Answer 4

Omg that was really cool. I really loved the end. That part gave me shivers.

Answer 5

This is very good. You really kept me reading.

Great ending.

Answer 6

Very poignant indeed- It prompts so many questions in the reader's mind. So personal too.  

Answer 7

i like it, a lot!

Answer 8

loooooooooooooove it. I really do. It has so much emotion and it comes from the soul the heart and a poets voice. It was beautiful. I think I might steal it..lol J/k but I really loved it

Answer 9

My hands will wait for yours. - boring

For you I only adore.  - bad English, cheap rhyme

My lips will whisper those words.  -cliche, 100 other bad poems

Through all those sleepless nights. -cliche why not invent something?

Don’t you realize? It’s all you. - prose

The only one I can’t go a day without.  -cliche copied instead of creating something of your own.

My mind cant ever let go. Will it ever?  - mangled language & prose-y

You’re holding the piece. The only one I really need. -piece?

For this heart to beat again.  -cliche making the above a mixed metaphor.

When will you return the meaning of this existence? -boring, trite

I’ve cried out and reached out. -redundant

But your too far gone. -cliche

I remained right here where you laid. -hilarious, if it were really the end.

My hands in yours. Those arms holding me so tight. -cliche

As we exchange our smile. -for laughs

Where are you now? -where is the poetry?

You’d never know the reasons why!  -knew, and this would be cliche

You left me with these memories and emotions. -what m & e's maybe your should write about that instead of stringing cliches.

All these devotions for you. -Sure aren't doing the reader anything.

Where are you now? - repetition of a bad line only compounds the problem.

Will you ever know the reasons why its true? - prose

What can I do now for you to hear these words? - prose

These pictures will never talk back. -What pictures?

I continue to spill my heart out to this. -unfortunately

Should it matter? -It should but apparently doesn't

In my head. In my mind. In my thoughts.In my heart. In my smile. In my life. Your always there. -cliche, run-on and prose-y

But you’d never know the reasons why. -really heavily cliche

Is this what you want? Your love as my punishment? -In what way?

Having you, but never getting to hold you. -Is this what this is about, until now, I had no idea.

Loving you, but never getting to show you. -If this is what you wanted to write about, start with this, this is apparently the subject of this poem, though lost in a sea of cliche, pointless questions and endless sea of "you, I, what,  reasons, meaning, mind, heart, etc..." that adds nothing to "I miss telling you I love you." which is what you want to say.

I never got the chance to tell you - here is the message

I love you. - 28 or 29 lines to get to what you ACTUALLY want to say. Say what you want up front and be done with it. If you can't write poetically, write breifly; brevity is closer to poetry than artifice.