What do you think? Serious answers please (kinda long, too...)?

Question

I'm 30 and he's 37. We both have a history of being taken for granted in relationships. His last long-term relationship ended 7 years ago, and there was a period of 6 years that he didn't date anybody. We only met in June 2007, and we've been pretty much inseparable ever since. He said the L word first. His friends love me and his parents treat me like I'm one of the family. I am absolutely crazy about this guy. He says he wants me to be with him forever, he sees us getting older together, the house he bought before we met is "OUR house." :) I can see us being together forever, too. He is wonderful to me, sweet, attentive, the s*x is amazing... He's afraid I'm going to walk all over him like past girlfriends, and he's afraid he's not good enough for me.

I want to get married someday. I know we've only been together almost 15 months, which, these days, isn't long enough! He is very vague about it. He thinks marriage should be about love and being together forever. He thinks people get divorced too easily, or get married for the wrong reasons (I agree). I know it's too soon to really be thinking about it, but I don't want to waste my time.

More background: we are both working and in school part-time. I know that I'm not ready to plan a wedding at the moment. It could be that he's focused on getting his degree before he makes a decision like marriage. Also: he asked me to move in with him. I told him that I wasn't going to do that unless there was a chance that we would get married. He said, "Well living together will help decide that" and, when I brought it up again a couple months later, he said "I know what your intentions are, and you shouldn't worry so much."

Can anyone give me feedback? Or am I just over-thinking this whole thing?

Answer 1

Everything sounded great until you said he was "vague" about marriage. Why's that? If he's waiting until he gets his degree, which is a valid reason, then he should tell you. After 15 months of wonderfullness, you should be openly talking about what is really going on. Maybe that has been the problem for both of you in past relationships.

Do you want children? Then this is not the time to be vague or to move in. Believe me, if a man really wants to do something, he does it, so let him know where you stand and ask him to clearly state his intentions and then give yourself, not him, a deadline and if things haven't changed, then move on.

If you don't want kids, then you can wait for him, but I still would say, don't move in - it's best not make that commitment if he can't make the commitment of marriage, which seems to be something that you ultimately want.  

Answer 2

It seems to be everything is working as it should. Keep doing what you are doing and things will work out for you. He sounds like a great guy and you sound pretty great yourself. Chill and enjoy your moments live in the now since it is so good.

Answer 3

Well, I think there are many people in your shoes.  Fortunately, your boyfriend seems to really like you.  Unfortunately, it's not enough sometimes.  Of course an ultimatum is not the answer, but you two need to discuss it because I'm sorry to say, age matters.  If someone is 37 and is not really clear on his opinion of marriage, then something must be going on.  Yes, some people get married for the wrong reasons, but I don't think you would be. You love each other, you treat each other well, you're trying to better yourselves by going to school, etc. That's wonderful.  Living together and getting even more attached to each other but not getting married is just too much to handle in the long run.  I wish you the best.

Answer 4

I would say 15 months is a good enough time to know each other. He love you. You have something in your mind that you don't want to admit. I don't know what that is but love is showed to you and you said everything working out fine. I would say you have a reserve, i wonder why (not my business)? Are you looking for more out of life or a person then you might be disappointed if you don't decide to be satisfy.

I would say love the dude more and get in your suit and make your vows and continue life.

Answer 5

15 Months is a while to be dating someone. You know you love him. My husband and I were the same way. We had both been hurt so much. And we both said that if we were happy after one year we would consider it. He also had two children so that was alot to be in the relatonship. After 12 months he asked me to marry him and all is good 7 years later. BUT....DO MOVE IN TOGETHER before you get married. Then plan on a wedding, best of luck to you. Best advise though is.....dont harrass him or rush him. That may make him move away.