What do you think? What should I do to cope?

Question

Ok, i am 13 and this past feb. my father started a new job, i see him maybe??? every 2 weeks. SO i miss him VERY dearly. neways, i started school today and he left me a three page note, that i only read the first page of b/c i couldn't stop cryin. i was simply a basket case. And in it he talks about my grandfather's wishes to keep the family business going but he has to take a factory job to provide for our family and how it tears him apart to drive to work knowing he broke his father's death wish, and how he wouldn't have to if he and his bro (only family he has left) hadn't feuded and so on and so on. and he signed it, love dad. i can't respond because i can't bring my self to it, and it kills me because i have walked past this note for what has only been a day and it feels like forever and i can't bear to look at it and know what has happened, and how lfe went from everything i've always wanted, to nothing i can barely stand, but i am gunna be a soldier and tough it out, because there's not a dam thing i can do.

Answer 1

It sounds like your dad laid a bunch of things on you that were a bit too much for your years.  Don't blame yourself that it has taken you some time to respond.  It's natural that this would take time, to know how you feel, and what to say.

Realize that supporting the family is his problem right now, not yours, and it sounds like it's very challenging for him, but the right thing to do is to focus on the things that you should be focusing on now.  If he needs love and support with his sadness over the situation, it's okay to suggest he talk to another adult, not you.  Maybe another family member, or even to look online for an affordable therapist.  They can be really helpful, even if someone never thought of going to one before.  This is much, much preferable to telling your kids problems that they should not have to be handling.

Hang in there, and don't berate yourself for not responding right.  You are doing your best, and that is more than enough. :-)

Answer 2

You are going through way to much to not talk about your pain to a grief councelor or therapist. There are 7 stages a person goes through emotionally when someone dear to them dies. If you don't get your emotions out and have guidance through this rough period, this could affect you for life. Please, for yourself, for your dad, get help with going through this. Don't try doing this alone. Your dad would want you to have a beautiful life, free from pain. Help yourself now. Find someone who specializes in grief and loss. You should also look into finding a group to attend so that you will know you are not alone. You'll meet people who can really understand you and help you get to an easier place in this terrible time.

Best of luck :)