What do you think about being anti-adoption?

Question

I don't mean any offence to anyone, but I am really against it. My husband would love to adopt kids, but I feel as though carrying and birthing your child is what makes you a mom, it is what women live for. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I just can't imagine loving a child that I know came from someone else, and wasn't a part of me.

Answer 1

Adoption is a personal issue and if you feel uncomfortable with it, you shouldn't adopt.

My personal thoughts is adoption is great and I am glad that not everyone shares your views. Anyone can be pregnant and birth a child. That's simple reproduction. It takes a real woman to be a mother. It's not being pregnant and labor that women live for. It's being told "Mommy, I love you".

Answer 2

well i was adopted and i think u'r a sick-o

my mother loves me plenty

she chose me so im better

you your stuck with the kids u get

Answer 3

If this is what you truly believe, then you are not ready to become a parent.  Fathers don't carry and birth their children, but they love them as much as their mother.   You sound like a very controlling person, and if that is the case, you would not make a good mother to ANY child, biological or otherwise.

Answer 4

Well you're a mom if you can provide love and care into a child's life and raise them to become a responsible, and sincere adult.

It doesn't matter whether you birth your baby or adopt, the love you give to a child is infinite and priceless.

Answer 5

It's sure not what this woman lives for!

Answer 6

I wouldn't want to adopt kids, but I have three of my own.

I think it's a wonderful alternative to abortion for people who don't want their pregnancies, and it's an incredible thing for people who can't have kids of their own, or even for people who want to do good in the world (and anyone who would love and care for a child they didn't birth is doing good for the world).

Now, I respect that you think you couldn't do it. If you believe that, then your husband shouldn't force you. The purpose of adoption is to find loving homes for children who were unwanted by their blood parents. And if you don't think you can do it, don't adopt. Thank you for being responsible enough to not put a child's emotional well being in jeopardy.

Answer 7

Well, if you are willing and able to give birth to your own offspring, then by all means -- do so. But I don't understand how you can refer to yourself as anti-adoption? Surely you mean this in a personal way and not in general. Adoption is such a blessing to those who cannot have their own biological children. Not to mention all the orphans in this world who need someone to love and care for them as if they were their own. In my opinion, a "mom or dad" is someone who loves you unconditionally and would do anything for you -- it does not necessarily mean you have to share the same genes.

Answer 8

If that's what your heart tells you, then of course YOU should not adopt.  Your feelings do not apply universally, however.

Answer 9

I think there's a special time and place for adoption.  There are a lot of people that have loving homes and a life time full of love to give to a child and for them adoption is perfect.  It just takes a special couple to give and a desire to be a parent for it to work...If you feel its not for you then don't do it...it's not fair to an innocent child that wants nothing more than to have a family to love them!

Answer 10

With all due respect, it's not giving birth to a baby that makes you a mother.

It's caring for, loving, and nurturing your little one.  There is no better gift that you can give a child.

Both of my parents were adopted.  They were in situations where they probably wouldn't have lived to make it past six.  Now, I know that you are entitled to your own opinions but let me ask you this.  Do you think that my grandparents (both sets of them, mind you!) should have passed up the opportunity to adopt my parents, simply because they couldn't love a child that wasn't physically theirs?

What if you had children one day, and something were to happen to you?  Do you honestly mean to tell me that you would want your children to bounce around in foster homes until they turned 18 simply because people felt they didn't deserve to be loved because they weren't theirs?

You're right, being pregnant is a wonderful experience.  But having a child and adopting a child is no different.  When you bring them home, and hold them, they ARE yours, just as much as if you had carried them yourself for nine months.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.  Perhaps you should look into classes for parents interested in adoption?  Check with your local Department of Human Services, I'm sure they can point you in the right direction.

I really do apologize if I was too blunt, but for some reason I can't understand how you could only love a baby that you created.

I am a mother of three, and also the adopted "parent" of my youngest half-sister.  She knows I am not her mother, but I can honestly tell you that I wouldn't love her more even if she was.

Answer 11

i think everyone is entitled to their own opinion on the subject.. however, i also think that after you have your own children, your opinion on this might change quite a bit.  then you'll know that its not the carrying and birthing that "makes" you a mom. its sooo much more than that.

Answer 12

If you can't imagine loving a child you didn't carry and give birth to then you shouldn't consider adoption, fostering, or stepparenting. It's certainly not for everyone and I don't judge people who know and act on their own feelings in that regard.

There are also many people who are anti-adoption due to rampant corruption and unethical practices domestically and internationally. This is also a very valid reason to be anti-adoption and/or pro adoption reform.

Each of us have different experiences and opinions : shrug.

Answer 13

its okay u cant help how u feel.

Answer 14

I'm definitely not totally anti-adoption, but I'm definitely not pro-adoption either.  I think adoption seriously needs to reformed so that more families are encouraged to stay together instead of the broken policy it is now.

Answer 15

as both a birth and adoptive mom, i can tell u that u love the child thats urs.  i think u r very selfish to be 'anti' adoption, when it is none of ur business.  i have every respect for the women who birthed my children, yet i believe i have earned the right to be called mom.  parents arent parents after giving birth, they become parents after weeks, months, years of raising children.

Answer 16

As an adopted person, it is hard not to take offense to your question.  I think that adoption and foster parenting is an incredible way to offer love to a child who doesn't have that by birth.  I think it is awesome that your husband is willing to adopt.  Your comment of not being able to love a child that came from someone else is just flat selfish.  Anyone who has given birth and raised a child can tell you that it isn't about you!  Once you have a child, your decisions revolve around that child, not around you.  In addition to being adopted, I have eight daughters, 3 of them I gave birth to, and 5 of them are step-daughters and I can't tell you which is which.  I love them all.  I also have grandchildren who are not my biological grandchildren, but I love them just as much.  Being pregnant and giving birth DOES NOT make you a mother.  Walking the floor at 2 in the morning with a colicky baby, holding a 5 year old's hand when he goes to school for the first time, letting a 13 year old cry in your arms because she didn't make the cheerleading squad, sharing a quart of rocky road ice cream with a 16 year old who just got dumped by the captain of the football team, watching a high school graduation through a flood of tears because that same 5 year old just graduated from high school is going into the Air Force.....these things make you a mother.  Any child can become a part of you when you let them into your heart.

Answer 17

i am very sorry you so easily close your heart. you are missing a great joy in loving other people that are not genetically related to you. i hope you have enough immediate family to fill your life forever

Answer 18

Y bring another life into the world when ther are already thousands of lives out there who need love and care from a mother they lost or never had ?

Animals in the wild adopt calves of there own species...

A grown lioness has even adopted 9 baby wildebeast during her lifetime. (Kamunyak the lioness)

What's to stop you ?

A lioness can adopt what is supposed to be her food... and you're against adopting an unloved child...

Answer 19

i think that the bond that you will have with your real child wont be there. i in a sense agree with you, but of course, if you are unable to make your own, adoption becomes a beautiful thing.

Answer 20

I think you need to educate yourself on the topic more.  Also, once a baby looks at you and smiles with all that love in their eyes, you will instantly melt, whether you gave birth to that baby or not.

Answer 21

Some people do feel that way and that’s their right. Adoption is not for everyone. Just as having children is not for everyone, having natural children is not for everyone.



To me a mother (father)  is the one who cares and takes care of you that is not always the one who gives birth to you or provides you will your genetic makeup.   Being a parent goes far beyond providing some genetic make up. Most parents who put their child up for adoption do so willing, unless the courts determine them unfit and terminate their rights.  

I know a couple who decided to adopt they had a natural child, but the mother had always wanted to adopted. The father feared he would feel different about the adopt child. However once the baby girl was put in his arms, his fears in worries melted away. This was his child in every way but DNA, which IMO is so very little.

It is not just humans that adopt, creatures in the wild also “adopt”, sometimes something that isn’t even their own species.  My neighbors dog, “adopted” three kittens.

Answer 22

i know u said u dont mean offence, but i am an adopted child so i do take offence. besides women have other reasons for living! women always have a reason for giving up a child for adoption: some cant afford to care for the child, and in the case of my birth mother; they are to young and immature to care for the child.  and y cant u imagine that? a child should be loved nomater how they are brought into your family..... open ur mind and stop living in the stone age.  i dont mean to sound so harsh, but your question really hit a tender spot.... you are entitled to your opinion, but not when others get hurt.

Answer 23

Well a good part of adoption is for women/men who are unable to have child, like infertile couples.  That's what makes adoption a great thing, it gives the new parents the oppotunity to become parents, as well a the children/child a chance to have a better life.  I agree that there's a big difference between loving a child on your own and an adoptive child, and it's a small line to cross I think.  I think people that adopt child from other countries are kinda ...stupid.  I think our own country need our OWN support, before other country's needs.  And there's just families that are very caring and giving and loving that are able to help out a child in need, and I think that's wonderful also.

Answer 24

I'm adopted and I can't recommend it to anyone. You want to try it all you do-goooders! Many many things.......Try being adopted in the 60's in Australia. Now an abandoned baby in Australia gets millionaires promising $3000000 units to their mothers - cos the mother should be with the baby. In the 60's mothers were told that if they gave their babies up they were doing 'the right thing' and a whole lot of other c**p. When are we going to be told by John Howard that he is sorry????????

Go with your intuition & also question the motives of your husband. What's going on there? Most men want the genetic children of their own?

Answer 25

Well, I'm pro-adoption (I was adopted) and I can say for certain that it is possible for parents to love non-biological children as much as parents who give birth to theirs. I don't feel that pregnancy and giving birth is what makes a mom; it's everything that occurs after that.

However, it sounds like you are against adopting children for yourself. And it's absolutely your right to feel how you do. I think it's a common way of thinking and I can understand it in a way. It's not right for you and that's fine. For others, it is a miracle and blessing.

Answer 26

what about the people that can't have kids of their own? are you still against it then?

Answer 27

carrying a child and giving birth  are big parts in being a mother but loving the child is the biggest part of all. If you were to take the adoption route for what ever reason when you hold your baby for the first time you will be filled with so much love for that child it will erase all the doubt you have. the child may not have came from you but you will be raising it and it will be your baby you will be giving a child the most important thing in the world love and that is what makes a mother. Good Luck on whatever choice you make.

Answer 28

That's certainly your choice and your right, but I agree with your husband.  There are so many children without homes that it seems selfish and wrong not to open your home to one if you can handle it.  However, it's not for everyone.  You can always do both, you know.  Discuss it among yourselves.  You don't need our input.

Answer 29

If you can't imagine loving a child that came from someone else's body then please don't adopt a child. He or she will sense it and it will destroy your relationship (and the child's self-esteem).

My thoughts (since you asked) is that it's too bad your ability to love is so limited. How can anyone not love a child who calls you mama? How could anyone deny that child the love of a mother, just because he or she didn't carry your genes? Seems kind of self-absorbed to make it all about "your body."

Answer 30

If there was no adoption, there would be a lot of orphans living in poor conditions like you see in third world countries.  Is that what you want for our children?  You are absolutely wrong about what makes you a mom.  It is not getting pregnant and giving birth.  Anyone can do that.  It is stepping up to the plate and raising and loving your children for their whole lives.  A biological mom who abuses her child is not a "real" mom and does not deserve that child.  If a woman truely wants to be a mom, it does not matter how she becomes one, as long as she gets to love and care for a child.  If it's not for you, fine, but please don't knock those of us who this is our only means of getting a child.

Answer 31

you are entitled to your opinion but I disagree with you. Some people are unfortuante and can not have their own children so they adopt. I think fosterers/adopters are very special people. People can love somebody elses children just like their own. Just because they havent carried them doesnt   mean they love them any less