What do you think about my essay on 8 Mile?

Question

I've posted it here http://clearblogs.com/uniwork/130806/Final+essay+question.html

Constructive criticism much appreciated

and yes I am allowed to quote from Wikipedia

Thank you!

Answer 1

The content is interesting and the structure is good, but the writing style is inconsistent--it doesn't quite read like a first draft, but it still needs work.  Some sentences are formal in style, some informal--chatty, even.  The point of view shifts confusingly, and in a couple of sentences, the passive voice appears to mask poorly developed ideas.

But that's the point of editing and revision, the longest and hardest part of writing.  In forums like this one, we present first drafts, and the writing is correspondingly sloppy, but an essay of this length should be tightly crafted.  You have the start of a very good essay, but it needs at least two more rounds of revision.

Answer 2

wow very detailed!