What do you think about my poem.... ?

Question

my disgusting "me"...

change yourself, they shout at me...

you aren't who you ought to be...

you talk too loud, too cheap ,too stale

your words so fake, each saga a tale

now stop laughing you laughing stock

you shepherd's dog , dominating flock

your acts of disgust..your scandalous being..

your speaking words you never mean...

ever wondered of how we bear...

your selfish self.. concealed in layers...

oh how i wish... i could change my me

i did try hard..i tried to flee

i tried those locks..those stained lanes..

smoldered this face riding shame

its hard i feel..terrible for "i"

i kept quiet ..for they claimed i lie

i closed my eyes, they said i pierce

with skin so cold .. casing untold tears

i tried to shut when brainstorms hit..

i tried so hard..i tried to fit

its so strange i feel..terrible for "i"

for peace wont come when corpses die...

i tried..i did..i swear, i m true

i changed all i could..i worshiped you...

but world , please listen

may i breathe...?

just this time i beg...

may i flee..?

i tired to change of who i was born..

each word so sick..i swear was torn

its hard to transform a bug to bee..

its hard to change my stinking me...

i know my fakes..sounds strange i know

i know i m wrong.. cant change more though

i couldn't be quiet,when the sads came

this is my say.. i know how it sounds lame..

but i was who i loved to be..

and cant stand the hate by my new me...

"i fold my hands... and pray to thee...

just once i beg... let me flee "

i tried to change..i tried my best...

still i failed... the concluding test..

so here i fall on my bruised knees

and listen world ..i scream

punish my deeds u noble natives

boil me in satin's stream

RIP MY FLESH , SLAUGHTER MY BEING

AND PUNISH ME HARD..FOR MY BEING ME

EACH DROP OF BLOOD THAT GREETS THY EYES...

"I PRAY MY PAIN..THOU SATISFY"

Answer 1

Good. I liked it.

Answer 2

nice!!

Answer 3

its v.good.if u really meant what u have written,a bit of advice.do what u feel is right.we cant live all our life for others.our life is short,live it enjoy it qwithout causing hurt to others thats it

Answer 4

The less said the better.

Answer 5

Poem u wrote is excellent.I gave u 99/100.

Answer 6

I like it! I really mean it! It is relatable and easy to read. I love your poem!--same as everyone else on this page!

write more poems!  :)

Answer 7

Kyle m go fuc urself! dat was frekin awesome.... how bout u try it...... seriously u judgemental piece of ****..... oh sry got a little outt ahand there...

very good.

i luv these kind of poems.

Answer 8

Ever listened to Pink Floyd?

Answer 9

Good.But if it was small,it would be very much neat.

Answer 10

kyle m has no taste, you actually have a good poem

Answer 11

you'r poem is very nice and excellent .

Answer 12

Nice

I like it.

Answer 13

I like it.

I like the flow of concepts; the feelings and emotions you put into this poem. I can literally feel the misery and helplessness, and I think your poem was very well written.

However, I noticed the first few stanzas didn't exactly flow right; poetry should flow like water, the words gliding over your tongue. I guess you could say it needs more of a beat at the beginning.

But overall, I'd say it's a great poem. Keep writing! =]

Answer 14

To start off.....that guy above me is a complete ***.

The point of your poem is touching and a lot of people could probably relate to it. To be honest it's a scratchy poem and hard to read because there is no floatation within. If you were to work on it I feel like this could turn into a promising piece of writing. Keep doing what you're doing, and don't ever ever ever be afraid to express yourself!

Good Luck!

Answer 15

good & awesome.

Answer 16

i think i just loved it...its an awesome poem a star for you...

i didn't knew that i have a talented poet in my contacts list...

lolls...

have fun and tc...

keep up the good work...

MAY GOD BLESS YOU...!!!!

$$** LIVE LIFE KING SIZE **$$

Answer 17

hey .y is there so much of sadness in ur poem?