What do you think about my rhyme?

Question

so i'm just sittin around and can't sleep and listening to dead prez way of life and i wanted to do something similar

what do you know about

the hustle the struggle

the grams the fam

the pain the scars

doin life behind bars

the lies the deception

the cocaine resurrection

the constant meditation

the self deprivation

the natural medication

the unconditional dedication

i'm not done yet but i want to know if i'm going in the right drerection and i dont have anybody around for some feed back so i'm asking for yours

Answer 1

i like it, nice choice of words. only thing is if it was a full length song you might want verses with longer lines. but its a good start keep making more man

Answer 2

spiffy....

BUT ONLY if you can backup what your saying and you had better know about "the hustle the struggle...ect" Otherwise your just frontin

Answer 3

It flows nice.

Years of probation

Criminal relations

The instant sensation

Just to have it all taken

Now ties are braking

I feel butt naked

I Won't allow this

Not the last situation

yeah, that's all I got right now.