Question:

What do you think about my writing? i just now started. :]?

by Guest62629  |  earlier

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I’ve never liked those books that would take forever to get to the point. You know the ones, where they describe how ‘the petals on the flower looked sickly sweet; making the young girl, who carried them, look extremely vulnerable’. Honestly? What do I care about flowers. If the little girl get’s killed or something, say it. I’m not saying that my story isn’t going to toil away a bit, before I can tell you what and how it really happened. You just need to know the basics before we jump to the ‘big kid’ stuff.

First off, my name is Lizzy. Well, actually, it’s Elizabeth Brynnafar Veo Jamie Dakarly. My parents were big on honoring ancestors. I was their miracle baby. Every time someone asked them about my name, “Oh after 15 years of trying, we just had to give her every name that we wanted to honor! We didn’t think that we would have any more children of our own.” pops out of their mouths. Almost like it’s been practiced. Actually, having all those names comes in pretty handy when... well, you’ll find out.

At the beginning, I was just an average baby. Eating, pooping, sleeping, crying. All the basics. By age one, you could say that I was.. Smart. I had already formed sentences. Carried on small conversations with my parents. This continued until age three. By then, I had started playing on the computer. At which time I accidentally hacked into a small bank. Nothing large, mind you, but enough to have the cops and FBI sniffing around. I started school when I was around five, which wasn’t anything surprising. The school was what set me apart from other children my age.

I went to school at Henry’s School For Exceptional Children. The kids in my class were always older than me, by at least five years. As you can imagine, ten year olds don’t want to hang out with a small five year old. It was bad enough that they had skipped a couple of grades, and I was there with them. Meaning I skipped more than a ‘couple’ of grades. I was the geek. I went through school there learning all the things normal kids learn, just a lot faster. After I finished what I would have learned in regular grade, junior, and high school; I was taught about fighting, and fire arms. This all happened before I was 14.

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4 ANSWERS


  1. It is interesting, you have what they call the hook at the beginning of the story.


  2. its great

  3. Your writing style could be refined/improved, but that comes with practice. You do have the most important quality of a writer, which is to make your reader genuinely interested in what happens next. That's not always a skill that can be taught. Definitely keep writing!

  4. it seems kind've scattered and unrealistic. how could ANY child hack into a small bank?

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