What do you think about this line in a poem?

Question

What do you think about this line? "Lets watch this beautiful night sky while behind us the whole world dies" Please don't steal! Its protected anyways!

Answer 1

Dear poet,

As it stands there are a number of ways that the line can be expressed.

As we watch the beautiful night sky, and the whole world dies behind us...

The whole world is dieing, yet we stand here watching the beautiful

sky...

Let us watch the beautiful sky: though the whole world dies behind us...

Helpful?

Robert

Answer 2

It is kind of prosy and long winded for what it conveys. Chop out anything you can do without, remember that we (your readers) actually have an imagination, too.