What do you think about this poem called "Whenever she is near"?

Question

Whenever she is near

my insides fill with fear

Not knowing what to say

other than something dumb like hey

These feelings don't come often

but when they do I soften

My brains molds into jello

my nerves unable to mellow

I only want to be loving

In a special kind of way

but something always stops me

My desires are thwarted away

My body starts to tremble

bloods racing through my veins

my breaths to quick to grasp

I feel her slipping away

My love has been attacked

by a devilish kind of fear

I only seem to feel this way

whenever she is near

Answer 1

Its cool if its how you realy feel about some one and when you give this poem to some one that you really care about im sure they will appreciate and probally fall in love with you.

Answer 2

A very sweet poem  about first love.  It's great.

In Stanza 4 Line 3 a spelling correction

my breaths TOO quick to grasp.  Keep up the good writing.

Answer 3

awwwww thats so sweet that a guy could feel that way to a girl. but yet kinda sad. i love it alot. i get the meaning of it, good rymine, and great vorcabulary. (i cant spell sorry XD) i think u know what i mean . well anyways great poem and keep on writing!!!

Answer 4

The rhyme is a bit basic which constricts the feelings a bit. Its kind of masks what can truly be said. Its a bit predicable in the sense that you kind of know what comes next. If it is for someone then it doesn't matter really as far as a poem though I would dig a little deeper with it. The fourth line in I would edit IMO also

Answer 5

I love it. Bloody brilliant! So evocative and the imagery? Wow! Wonderful work...thank you for sharing!

Answer 6

Hey, I liked it. It was sweet.

Answer 7

cool..d(^.^)b