What do you think about this poem??

Question

I couldn't help but see.

You look so good today.

You smile down at me.

My heart beats away.

Out of the corner of my eye,

I see you leaving.

I wish I had the courage to say..... goodbye.

Answer 1

Amazing.

Answer 2

The Poem Was Rather Shallow.

Not Much Emotion.

And Overdone Many Times

It Was Alright.

Answer 3

Maybe you should consider adding more description to it. It feels rather emotionless, but with a bit of work, it could evolve into a beautiful piece of heartfelt poetry. But sometimes, simplicity is better. Since I am just a novice at this art, maybe you shouldn't listen to me. This is just what I think.

Instead of having it all separate sentences, perhaps you could piece the first two together: I couldn't help but see how/You look so good today.' like that.

And instead of having those dots before writing goodbye, you could simply write:

I wish I had to courage to say

Goodbye.

I think that sounds better.

I hope you continue writing!

Answer 4

I LOOOOOOOVE it!

It is sooo much better than the "first drafts" i'm used to seeing on this site! This poem is finished, complete, and not too literal or cryptic!