What do you think about washing your kid's mouth out with soap?

Question

I recently threatened my son with washing his mouth out with soap for naughty language in front of my husband's family. My MIL started giving me a lecture about how soap is toxic and it's the worst thing I could do to my kids.

Now, I look at her daughter's kids, and the 12 year old is a foul mouthed little snot. There seems to be little discipline going on, because when she calls other people foul things, she never is marched over to apogize, never grounded.

So, I feel justified in doing it once in a while. It seems to be a good deterrent once it has been done. The child changes their language for the better for a long time. I only have to do it maybe once or twice a year now that my kids are 12 and 10.

So, what do you think? A good parenting tool or do you think I'm putting their behavior before their safety?

If you think I'm bad for using soap, then any other suggestions to affectively stop nasty language?

Answer 1

I have done it once to my 9 yr old son when he was being disrespectful.  He has NEVER done anything again like he did that day.  I only dabbed a little soap on his lip and that is all it took for him to straighten up and learn his lesson!

As for MIL's-mine gets upset/mad when my husband or I use any type of discipline on our three children in front of her.  She gives us the silent treatment if we give them a time out at her house...don't they remember being a parent to their children?  I want my children to grow up to be respective individuals and however I chose to discipline is my choice.  We never use any violence on our children but have used the soap method and an occasional spanking never hurt anyone.  The most effective tactic I have found is to reduce their bedtime by 15 minutes for every offense.  A couple of nights going to bed while the neighborhood kids are still playing outside works every time.

Good luck...being a parent is the hardest job there is and we should be rewarded for bringing up good adults.

Answer 2

CPS considers using soap to wash a child's mouth out is abuse, I agree.  Your son learned that sort of language somewhere (usually in the home either by parents or friends of parents or television).  Child abuse is NEVER a good deterent nor is it a good replacement for discipline and parenting.

Answer 3

My mom did it to us when we were little, and even shopped around for the worst tasting soap she could find.  I think it's definitely effective.  Me and my older sister were the ones she did it on, and both of us rarely if ever cuss while my 3 younger siblings who didn't have it done are getting rather foul mouths (which they've been smart enough not to use around my parents).  We haven't had any scarring moments from it, and even look back on some of the instances and laugh.  I think it's a great way to get a kid to think before they talk.

Answer 4

My husbands mom used Tabasco sauce on him when he was little. It only happened that once. I would rather do that then soap.

Answer 5

I think you are fine. Once or twice a year is not hurting them (nor would 1-2 a week/month). If you were having to do it everyday and obvioulsy not changing you childrens behavior then I would say stop. I tried soap with my kids and it didnt work. Instead I soak a q tip with white vinegar and make them hold it in there cheek. They HATE it.  My mom used to make me hold a bar of soap in my mouth. Your MIL needs to mind her own business.  You do what works for you, next time she gets upset let her know u use baby soap (nontoxic). That should shut her up if its her only argument against it.

Answer 6

spank em' till next week.

Answer 7

There are other ways to discipline. If they were to accidentally swallow the soap it could give them diarrhea. I have heard of people using hot sauce...just a drop on their tongue. It will burn, but at least it won't make them sick.

Answer 8

First, soap isn't toxic, if it was, do you think we'd rub it all over our hands and bodies (and subsequently get it in cuts, our eyes, etc)?.

You MIL is probably just scoffing at your type of parenting. Just ignore her or politely reply that you are choosing to discipline your children how you see fit.

In any case, I had squirty soap used on me as a kid and it worked. Nothing tasted worse than that stuff. Although, with the advent of todays FOAMING squirty soap I might have to revise that thought. Foaming squirty soap would not be fun.

Answer 9

I think washing their mouths out with soap is fine. I don't think it's harmful.

We sometimes make our kids do push ups or sit ups when they cuss, so maybe they can get some of their negative energy out.

Answer 10

So...then you've already tried talking to your child first and explaining why the language is unacceptable and what the consequences would be for next time or it was straight to the soap? I'd use the chile method rather than soap that just seems too much

Answer 11

it works trust me had it done to me

Answer 12

If it's a natural soap, none of those new fangled antibacterial extra moisturizing oily things, I say go for it. Nothing like chewing on a bar of Ivory soap to springboard self-reflection.

I am all for excessive rather than lax discipline.

Answer 13

using soap is no more harmful than your child getting some seawater in thier mouth from the beach, getting it in thier eyes from the shower or swallowing chlorine filled pool water.

whats the big idea with the spice and the chili?

so you telling them that when they dont have a nice mouth they eat a food that they should be eating according to the food chart?

medically speaking, as long as they are swallowing large amounts of it, they are fine and by the way if children swallow a little bit of tooth paste that is more harmful to them.

my oldest son said a cuss word that he learned from school and he had to touch the soap to his tongue for one minute the first time and two minutes the next but we didnt make it to the next he clearly does not want that experience again and he is 12 now.

if you are saying those words at home then you are contradicting your self and confusing him as to what you will and will not condone.

your husband should have stepped in for you since this is his mother. and she has no say in how you choose to raise your child and your son needs to see his father protect his mother not allow her to be thrown to dogs because inlaws are hard to deal with. its like there is this power struggle going on for the first 5 years (in most cases)

good luck to you!!

Answer 14

Try it with some chilie.......If they don't believe you you can have them taste a tiny bit so they can see for themselves that it is an ugly taste. Soap is toxic and it can harm them but chilie is meant to be eaten......just get a very spicy one (usually red or orange or yellow jalapenos) and but a little piece on their tongue. Don't put the whold chilie down their throught. lol

Answer 15

you are the fouled mouth one they learn it from, (calling them a snot) and dont wash it out w/ soap, its not gona make them change their minds, its just crule torture, people arnt perfect u gota accept them! u need a break from them!!! send them out of the house during the day and tell them that u are the one that buys them food and takes care of them, tell them they can go somewhere else! soap in the mouth can make them sick, dont do it that mean. give them some food money, $5-$15 a day for food, and just let them come home to sleep, or just let them come home to eat too, and if its nasty outside or if there sick let them in, but they need somewhere else to go too! make friends w/ another adult or something or someone they like to that will watch them too. same things. thts it. when u talk to them U HAVE TO TELL THEM WHY U DONT LIKE THE LAUNAUGE. AND FORREAL ITS JUST A WORD, WHWAT THE BIG DEAL?  u should tell them tho that cirtain people dont like it cuz...___some people will call the cops and send u to jail for it, (cuz thats real too) so they gota be carful! u just tryna  teach them not to get in a bad situation! cuz tell them when they get older, they gota be more carful too, cuz they will exspect u to get a job, cuz they kno lil kids cant get jobs, and people can call the cops for anything sometimes and they cuold go to jail. U GOTA JUST LET THEM LIVE OUT THERE MISTAKES IT THE ONLY WAY THEY WILL LEARN AND JUST ACCEPT THEM AND FORGIVE THEM, THATS LOVE, BE NICE, show them how to act, dont be a bad example, and just tell h\them how to live, but u cant force them to change, if u want them to ignore u then do it, being mean to them is only gona make them not wana be around u and they will move themselfs out. if thats what u want, great. tell them to move out.

Answer 16

Oh please, that is not child abuse. If you get soap in your mouth in the shower it's not going to kill you. It's not like you're doing it every day. If you wash a child's mouth out with soap once every few months when they're cursing or being nasty (and no one said they have to learn that from their parents! I learned all my bad words at school from my friends) then that is a useful parenting tool.

Answer 17

Soap probably isn't the best thing you can do. Basically, what you want to do is connect an emotional reaction with the bad behavior. Stuffing soap in someones mouth obviously does this. Other things, however, such as sending a child to his or her room, making them go to bed earlier, etc. do the same thing and can be a bit less traumatic.

Whatever works for you as the parent, though, is also important. You want to be as consistent as possible!

Answer 18

You aren't bad for using the soap.  I've used it on both of my sons.  Just a tiny drop (and they were old enough to rinse out their mouthes).  Most soap is NOT toxic (will it make you sick if you drink the bottle?  yes.  will it kill you?  more than likely no) unless you get the kind that has lye or bleach in it.  Just get a bottle of Joy orange dish soap and keep it on hand for those smart mouthed children.

I think you are doing great...and I've washed out the mouth of my 9 year old baby cousin, too.  You stay at my house, you follow my rules.

Answer 19

Your mother-in-law sounds like she likes to overexagerate. But I don't think you should have let her lecture you. And your husband should have stopped her, if he was present. Nobody's perfect; we all try our best at being parents but I don't think soap would harm anyone. My son is still quite young, but I think I could see myself resorting to this procedure in the near future if his cheekiness starts to turn to foul-mouthness.

Answer 20

Soap is so out dated these days.Just make sure he apologises or send them in a room for time out.And smacking wont help either soap can be toxic.Ban him from doing something he likes for a week.

Answer 21

Bring on the chillies! u can't be acused of abusing your child by making them eat a chillie.You hear of swear boxes,how about filling th swear box with chillies,so rather than putting a penny in,u take a chillie out lol

Answer 22

washing your childs mouth out with soap is ABUSE