What do you think? any suggestions to improve it?

Question

He set her up against the stars, laid out across the pitch black night sky.

Pooled in an ocean of the unknown, her light burned bright piercing his black pupils with her light. Distance meant nothing to him, even if it meant galaxy’s away. Had he seen her in another life? Her image was unforgettable. He wished they were more than just star-crossed lovers. Only hoping she would fall from her heaven into his arms for everyone to see. And maybe, just maybe all those nights of wishing, his wish would come true.

Answer 1

it is beautiful as description, and a right subject for poetry too. I believe you will make a lovely lyrical poem out of this prose description !

Across the night sky, in the pitch black, was laid,

She was set against the backdrop of the sky,

He in the ocean of the unknown pooled her to fade,

Her light burned bright, his pupils pierced to stay.

The distances of the galaxies whether far or near,

Meant to him a vast nothing. She belonged to him,

From some life earlier, image of her brought a tear,

He knew they were linked in love from that dream.

I have completed eight lines you complete the othe rsix lines to form a sonnet on mystic love.