What do you think he's feeling?

Question

I am sitting here watching the youngest brother of my adopted children sleep and my mind is racing. His mother died almost 2 weeks ago and we have been caring for him since (his dad will start having him on weekends next weekend). I am just wondering what he must be feeling. His mother is gone, his father is stressed beyond belief and is trucking across the country, and he is surrounded by 6 siblings and their 2 adoptive mothers. What a lot to happen in just 5 weeks of life! He is healthy and seems happy, but my heart hurts thinking about the separation he must feel. Is there any research on this or opinions? It must be hard to be separated from the only woman he knew for 9 months.

Answer 1

There is some information out there dealing with grief (meaning grief over the death of a loved one) issues in very young children.  There are also therapists that specialize in "play therapy" for very young children.  Children at a very young age understand death and can certainly grieve.  

So sorry to hear about the loss.  

ETA: Six weeks old?  That, I'm not sure.  I know they do play therapy for children as young as 1-2 years old.  I'll try to find out.

Answer 2

You sound like a wonderful mother.  You are doing your best.  If you want you can keep talking to the children about how wonderful there mother was and I am sure that it will stick with then for the rest of there life.

Answer 3

Hm.  Yes, even though he is so young, he knows someone is missing.  Scientific research done at McMaster University PROVED that babies just days old prefer to look at their mother's face.  Just a few days old and they look longer at their mother's face than stranger''s faces.  But research also shows that babies are looking at contours, chin, hairdo, etc instead of the details.

They say a baby can tell it's mother within 2 days of being born by looking at her contours.

But by 3 months, the baby can pick out their mother and the details of mom.  And mother's respond in such a way that babies pick up on the cues.

Research has also shown that after 3 days of being born, a baby is clearly more attuned and soothed by the mother's voice, than any other voice.

So, yes, he is missing something.  I do not know if the fact that his mom is missing and the feelings around that are developed yet.  But, he needs to get into a stable environment soon, so he can resume the attachment cycle.

Answer 4

Oh gosh that is really sad.  I would make sure to hold him a lot!  

Answer 5

The kid really doesn't care... His mind isn't develop enough to recognize who his mother really is. So therapy would just be worthless ... LOL

Answer 6

He is probably going through what all other adopted babies go through. It's hard for you because you know she is dead, he on the other hand just knows that he hasn't seen her and hasn't learned object permanence yet. He will eventually forget that she ever existed. Maybe it's better that way. I wouldn't worry so much about him as I would about the other 5 older siblings. Do they remember their mother? If so, they are having a much harder time than the baby. I hope they all get through it okay. Blessings!

Answer 7

he must miss his mother very much and wonder instinctively where she is.  he has a lot of developing infant needs that need to be fulfilled because he is in a dependent phase.  otherwise i do not know.  i suggest that you be his mom while you can.