What do you think? i have a 7 yr old daughter (going on 16) and a 11 yr old?

Question

step son . my step son just moved in to our house . i had to go to sleep last nite and the kids stayed up. i went in to tell them goodnite and they were both laying in bed, covered, watching tv. *now- nothing at all was going on, but, i still didnt like it, i told them to sit in the chairs or go into the livingroom to watch tv.... how would you feel / react?

Answer 1

I have a 10-year-old son, 9-year-old daughter, 16-month-old daughter, and another daughter due in October... I'm a loving, yet kind of strict, VERY aware parent, and I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it... Not unless something else had happened, that gave me *reason* to think something... In which case, I wouldn't have left them alone, to begin with.

Could be you're a little on edge with stepson being there? Just a thought; not saying you are. :)

Answer 2

you should talk to both you them and tell them how you feel,and give them a very good explanation,and make sure you get your point across.

Answer 3

It most likely was something completely innocent. At my grandparents when my sister and I were little, we laid in the same bed (even slept) and watched tv plenty of times with our uncle (who isn't that much older than us). Nothing ever "went on".

I think if you're that worried, the tv shouldn't be in the bedroom anyways. Make them watch tv in a family room where you can watch them at all times, if you please. However, the majority of siblings/step siblings won't even think to do something with eachother. To them, that would be "icky".

I wouldn't really think twice about it unless someone gave me a reason to suspect differently. Not all kids are freaks.

Answer 4

It was probably innocent, but I think you did the right thing. You never know nowadays.

Answer 5

I think you don't trust your stepson, and that you have a dirty mind. They're only children, and they are now siblings. Talk to your husband about this, is what I would do.

Answer 6

it's your daughter, it's up to you what you think is appropriate and what isn't, as your step-son has moved in with you you do need to have some clearly defined boundaries that you are all happy and comfortable with, but I would be very careful about how you go about it, as it would be unfair to make your daughter (and I'm sure furthest from your intentions) feels she needs to be protected from her step-brother, or to make your step-son suspect he isn't trusted with your daughter - as I'm sure it was completely innocent!

my son is 12, and his best friend is a 14yr old girl, she is very much a tom-boy (farming family) and my son is quite young/sensitive for his age

she sleeps over regularly +they are often cosied up under a quilt watching a dvd or on the xbox together, and I can tell by the way they are with each other, that's as simple as it is!

maybe it would be better if his dad spoke to him?  and maybe you could try having a very lighthearted casual chat with your daughter?  Good luck

Answer 7

They were probably just innocently watching television, but I can understand you feeling uneasy.  You should probably sit and talk to the kids about what you think is okay, and what is not.  I'm guessing neither of them have other siblings from the way you've written it, but I may be wrong.  they may not know how to react appropriately to one another.  The age is the concern, as the boy is a pre-teen, and your daughter just a little girl.  It is not really appropriate for a teenager to be in bed with a child even if they are aiblings, BUT they are still in the grey area at eleven.  I think you should probably talk to your partner and talk to the kids.  They may have just been bonding as siblings, but unfortunately people do feel they have to be wary about the welfare of their kids today.  It's tricky.  Don't stop them from bonding as a family, and don't make them feel guilty for liking one another, as this will breed bigger trouble.

Answer 8

Wow, what a great way to destroy the relationship between you, your step-son, and your daughter. I have a 12 year old brother, and he is still as innocent as they come. Not all kids are whackos. Kids will be kids, and I agree with the previous answer, take the TV out of the bedroom if you don't want them watching it in there. They could be watching anything! Including Law & Order SVU, which I think you have been watching far too much of! Your step-son wants your love. He deserves it. My step-father was an amazing father to me, step-children should be treated equally. If he was your blood-related son, would you have suspected him of this?

Didn't think so.

Sorry about the Law & Order comment, since that really is your job :-/

But honestly, I kind of called it... try to leave your work at work and not bring it home, although I'm sure that's really hard in your case!

Answer 9

Oh my days. They are CHILDREN! And related.

Don't give your step-son a reason to hate you, sweetie.

Answer 10

Watch him like a hawk! No more "laying in bed together"! If they weren't related (by marriage only, by the way) you wouldn't let them lay in bed together anyway! I would sit them down separately and have a good talk on what is appropriate behavior and what isn't. Your daughter needs to know what other people's boundaries are when it comes to her, so she knows when she needs to say "Don't do that". Your step son also needs to know what his boundaries are. Your 7 year old is pretty helpless at this age, especially if he decided to "experiment". Not that it makes him a criminal or anything, just curious, but you don't want to have a situation where that could happen.

Update:

OK people, she didn't say she was going to interrogate either one of them, there is nothing wrong with laying down some guidelines! there are a ton of parents out there who assumed their children were totally innocent, and then got  a "surprise". It didn't ruin my relationship with my children when I discussed s*x with them, and told them what I expected of them. There was no blaming, just a matter-of-fact conversation about what they should expect from other people, and what I expect of them. The 7 year old is too young for that, but the 11 year old definitely is not. Anyone who has worked in a school with 11 year olds knows there is a lot more going on at that age than people think!

Besides, these kids are "newly" related. He just moved in. They haven't been raised together. Just because adults see the related part, doesn't mean kids see it right away.

Answer 11

Why do you have a tv in their room if you don't want them to watch tv in bed?   I don't understand.

Answer 12

well then y would u give them a room together? they r 4 yrs apart and of the opposite s*x. ur the one who has to wake up and sweetie u didnt make it sound like they had seperate rooms dumb ***. but i really dont think u should be conserned but if u are talk to ur husband or partner and ask him to talk to ur step son.but try to treat him the way u would treat ur blood son. gl bc  have a hard life ahead of u my dear.