What do you think of RAD--B.S label, or accurate disorder?

Question

Guess some people can't handle the truth about this disorder, so I'll ask you, and won't delete if I don't like the answers.

Notice it's the kids who get the label.

If it doesn't work, it's their fault.

Maybe it's really "I'm devastated that I lost my family and you need to stop forcing me to try and love you and give me psychotropic drugs syndrome".

Answer 1

If RAD is a "disorder," then grief is also a "disorder."  I believe RAD is simply a very natural human response to a tragic situation.  Such human responses are called "disorders" because our society is rather unforgiving of natural human response to emotional pain.  We are supposed to suck it up, right?  Heaven forbid we should express our gut feelings.

Worse, too often I have seen adoptive parents label their adoptees (or find a doctor/friend of Pharma who will label them) as having this "disorder" simply because they cannot face the reality that the child in their possession is grieving for his or her natural mother (& family).  In such cases, I have seen some adoptive parents talk as if the onus is on the child to attach to them simply because they own him now.  What does the child and his brain/body chemistry know of such things?  All he knows is that he is away from his family.  It is natural for him to grieve and to reject the strangers.  That is what they are to him regardless of how they may feel.

Why should he attach to strangers?  If he were kidnapped, we would find it disturbing that he would attach to his kidnappers.  Yet, what makes adoption different from the child's perspective?  Adopters need to earn the attachment of their adopted children and realize it isn't an automatic based on transfer of ownership.  It is wrong to try to force such attachment, and physically abusive to use brain-altering pharmaceuticals in the process.

Answer 2

I believe it is an accurate disorder.  My child is showing "border line" symptoms "if you will".  Although he hasn't been diagnosed with this, they say that if for some reason he should have to move again (we are trying to adopt with ICWA laws in affect as well) then it's possible that he could "get" RAD.  He was diagnosed with DBD (defiant behavior disorder) which from what I have read...it's him "in text".   We just have to re-vamp the way that we discipline him and his therapist needs to re-vamp her therapy techniques.

Let me add - that along with DBD - he is also borderline ADHD - we do not use "drugs" to help him deal with this - we do behavior modification methods to help him deal with it, instead of hiding it behind some mood altering drug like ritalin.  Just our personal choice of "treatment".

Answer 3

I think its a coping mechanism that some people "adopt" when their parents and society have failed them.

Answer 4

Good question Sunny.

Why could it not be considered unrealistic expectations on the AP's part, or their inability to meet the needs of the child?  

Why could it not be the agency or broker's bad judgement in matching a child to the right home for him/her?  

Unfortunately, it's easier to blame everything on the innocent child who is only behaving in a way that it is natural given their unnatural predicaments.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 5

Wow...I really hope I didn't create a mess here.  I don't know if I even had anything to do with all this, but I saw my name mentioned, so I apologize if my answer was taken the wrong way.

I DO believe that RAD is a real disorder.  I just don't believe that it's necessarily helpful to pin a label on a child.  Often, people get a diagnosis for their kids, and that diagnosis dictates how they treat their children, what types of therapy they receive, etc.  

I've heard a lot of negativity about attachment therapy - well, attachment therapy is an answer to reactive attachment disorder.  You know, when you give a person with diabetes medication to keep their blood sugar down, it doesn't get rid of the diabetes.  It doesn't do anything for the cause of the diabetes.  Even diet and exercise aren't enough.  What you must do in order to successfully treat a person with diabetes is treat the WHOLE PERSON, not the symptoms, not the disease.  My dad is diabetic.  Over the years, he has tried many different approaches.  He eventually found a whole-life plan (which includes food, exercise, supplements, spirituality, and an all-around focus on his well-being).  Shockingly, he is no longer diabetic.  That's crazy, unheard of!  But when you focus on the WHOLE person, instead of just a diagnosis, you heal the whole person.

I know that those who work in the mental health and medical fields are well-meaning people, and I honestly don't  believe they're purposely harming people by diagnosing and treating ailments.  This is what our culture values.  If you're in pain, take a pill.  Don't treat the cause of the pain, just take a pill and move on.  I believe we can do better than this.  I don't believe our society is WRONG in what they're doing, and trying to do.  I just believe this is a very limited view, and there's a whole lot more we can do.

ETA:  Sorry, I went off on a tangent there.  RAD is simply a label that gets put on kids (and adults) who have issues with attaching.  That's not the PROBLEM, and it's not what needs to be treated.  Trying to treat RAD results in those frightening, abusive rebirthing sessions and things like that.  That's what was developed to treat RAD, right?  So, my point in my other answer was that there is another way.  Don't treat the diagnosis.  Treat the person.  The book I mentioned in my other answer is the "answer to" traditional attachment therapies.  The authors experienced RAD children, and they tried the traditional therapies (the ones that get such bad press), and they believe there is another way, and that the problem is NOT the diagnosis.  The problem is that the child does not feel loved - the child feels fear.  So, if every single thing you do comes from a place of love, you might start getting somewhere.  And then again, you might not...but your job isn't to expect your child to 'get better' or 'change' or meet YOUR needs.  Your job is to love them no matter what, and support them where they are, wherever they NEED to be in that moment.  If the place where your child needs to be in that moment is a place of fear, grief, and non-attachment, what's wrong with joining them in that place and saying, "I'm here, and it's ok to feel that way.  I love you."?

ETA:  "RAD should not be confused with grieving, feeling loss, difficulty adjusting, anger, acting out, etc."  But...that's EXACTLY what it is!  Children with RAD fear attachments to anyone because of the grief, loss, difficult adjustment, and anger that attaching seems to cause - because it always has in the past.  Once you start caring about someone, they're going to hurt you...so don't get attached.  And don't accept anyone else attaching to you.  Push them away, as quickly and completely as possible, to avoid further pain (this would be the "acting out").

That doesn't mean that RAD is not a real disorder.  My dad's diabetes was a reaction to his body not processing the tons of calories he loaded himself down with on Thanksgiving one year and his pancreas shut down.  His body's coping mechanism was diabetes.  But diabetes wasn't the problem, and that's not what needed treatment.  The problem was my dad's horrendous diet, lack of exercise, low self esteem (which led to the diet and exercise issue), and his refusal to believe in himself.  THAT was what needed to be "treated".  RAD, like Gershom said, is the body's natural response to the understanding that attaching to people is dangerous and hurtful.  RAD is real, but it's not what needs to be treated.  The FEAR behind the RAD is what people need to focus on.  The traditional therapies for RAD are dangerous because they ignore the needs of the person and focus only on the diagnosis, and how to "treat" it (i.e. make it go away).  There's no need to make it go away.  RAD is a valid response to the fear of attaching.  Maybe it makes others uncomfortable, but that's their problem.  It's a good defense mechanism.  

I could go on and on, but I'm thinking no one is reading this far down.  Maybe I ought to blog about it.

Answer 6

RAD is much more complicated.  These children ARE devastated over a variety of things.  Often that will include losing a family that they knew well.  Sometimes it can be from abuse.  Sometimes it is from the constant loss of families as they are bounced around through foster care.  

Sometimes drugs are needed.  Sometimes only therapy is.  However, there are times when children who were doing just fine with therapy alone will start to need medication as adolescents.  This has to do with the various chemical changes that happen to the teenage brain.  

I have seen a middle school aged child with RAD come up to his mother and start wanting to cuddle with her in public - much the way many preschoolers will.  Then a few minutes later he was in a rage because she wasn't letting him go.  RAD is real, but it isn't the same in every case.  Much like Autism, each case of RAD is extremely unique.    

Answer 7

Only one of my 7 kids has this disorder.  He went through some different things than the rest because he stayed with his first father more than the others.  I don't think that in his case it's a B.S. label.  He truly has an attachment disorder, but we don't drug him or try to force him to love us.  The thing about him was that he WASN'T devastated that he lost his family and that concerned us.  He just doesn't care.  I don't think that he really cares that he's here either, just happy to be with his siblings.

That being said, I think that RAD is the new thing.  They thought about diagnosing a few of the other kids with it who obviously don't have it at all.  I belong to a group for parents of kids with RAD and I get pissed off that it's a reason to dissolve an adoption.  I don't see any reason to dissolve an adoption.

Answer 8

RAD is a real and serious diagnosis. It is not to be taken lightly or applied thoughtlessly to any adopted child who doesn't have a smooth transition, but years of research and psychological study cannot be dismissed out of hand simply because you don't like their conclusions.

It is diagnosed among children because that is when it shows up. That's like saying autism and childhood diabetes are bogus because they're diagnosed among children-- yes, because childhood is when the symptoms start. There is no such thing as adult onset RAD as far as I know; that wouldn't really fit the definition of the disorder. So... when else exactly would it be diagnosed?

And it's no more a matter of "fault" than any other psychological or neurological disorder-- which is to say no fault at all. It can be extremely challenging and frustrating to the parents, but blame is an inappropriate reaction to the disorder. People react inappropriately to mental illness in general, but that doesn't mean all mental illness is a bunch of hogwash.

RAD should not be confused with grieving, feeling loss, difficulty adjusting, anger, acting out, etc. Not all adopted children have RAD. Only a small minority do. (And not all children with RAD are adopted.) A child who has problems, even major problems, should not be assumed to have RAD.

But sorry, convincing me it isn't a real diagnosis is going to take more-- like actual studies and expert opinions-- than some people just not wanting to believe in it.

Answer 9

I was actually going to post "I want my mom and won't be forced to accept anyone else, call me what you want".

Yes its a b/s diagnosis. In the states parents are all to willing to numb their children with drugs. Preventative measures and education in the US takes a backseat to the big drug company pushers making billions of dollars labeling kids in every freaking way they can.

Munchausen by Proxy slips by doctors all the time. It has to be the kids just acting up.

Answer 10

Boy, if paraprofessional 'Know it alls" get to you, then non-professionals with axes to grind get to me.

Yes, it's an actual bona-fide diagnosis.  Look it up.  It's caused by severe and prolonged abuse/neglect in the earliest stages of development (birth-2 years).  It involves the complete inability to form attachments or bonds to other people, often with violent reactions to people who attempt to connect with them.

Yes, attachment therapy is completely bunk.  Yes, RAD gets overdiagnosed.  But it doesn't negate the fact that there are children out there who suffer with it.

And guess what, the abuse/neglect most often happens by the biological parents.  So if I'm "blaming" someone for RAD, it's not the child.  Same thing with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but I suppose you think that's a label that can be blamed on APs too.

BTW, I reposted the question, rewording it.  Thank you very much.

Answer 11

Sunny, you know that you and I are usually on the same page but...

RAD is a real disorder.  It's not even something that is exclusively attached to adoption/foster care/losing one's family.  One of my dearest friends has a son with the disorder.  She is his own, natural mother.  He's never been institutionalized or on psychotropic meds.  He's spent every day of his life (he's now 13) in the home and care of his parents.

To be honest, I'd become very informed/educated/familiar with RAD as a multi-faceted condition -- one that presents differently in each child/person -- as a student in social work, as a DCFS shelter worker, and (later) as a social worker long before I saw it so intrinsically connected to adoption, as it is here.  While the trauma of separation that is always present in an adoption certainly can lend to RAD, for the child involved, there are many, many cases (most of the cases I am involved in/familiar with) that have no separation whatsoever in them.

If my first exposure to RAD had been here on the Y!A adoption board, I would probably think it was something that adoption 'experts' had attached to adoption (or to separation).  It certainly does get it's 'day' here.  I respect it as a real condition.  I have seen it first hand many, many times.  I am against medicating children if there is any other option.  RAD is a tricky one, though.  I have seen many cases where medication was necessary -- for the child's sake.  If it's chosen for anyone else's sake, it's abuse, IMHO.

I hope this helps.  Take care!

ETA: [It's caused by severe and prolonged abuse/neglect in the earliest stages of development (birth-2 years). ]  That's true, but that's not the ONLY cause -- there are many valid/verified causes.