What do you think of Sonnet V? (A finished work!)?

Question

Sonnet V

Her smile, the bloom of joy and mirth

Awakens in my moonless night

She is a walking star on earth

That blinds the sky and all its light

Her laughter, the sweet voice of spring

Does play in me a golden lyre

The cherubim of heaven sing

A song that stars and moon admire

And so I crave that tender kiss

That drowns me in a sea of bliss

Answer 1

That was so sweet Rid. So sweet, romantic and beautiful. But sorry to say that it not a sonnet in the modern sense. In the modern sense a sonnet means, a poem of 14 lines, written in Iambic pentametre, that is ten syllables, in unstress-stress-unstress-stress pattern.

But in old English, the term sonnet meant 'a short song or lyric'. In that way what you writ can be called a sonnet.

And see, I have done a small change. A change in the fifth line. That will make it more musical. right? Then cherubim is changed to cherubims. so it will adjust the grammar to compete the rhyme 'sing'. Otherwise, it must have been 'sings'. The rest is all ok...and the poem is fantastic. And congrats for bringing forth a complete poem. That's great!

Her smile, the bloom of joy and mirth

Awakens in my moonless night

She is a walking star on earth

That blinds the sky and all its light

Her laughter, voicing of spring,

Does play in me a golden lyre

The cherubims of heaven sing

A song that stars and moon admire

And so I crave that tender kiss

That drowns me in a sea of bliss

Answer 2

This is lovely, very romantic. The imagery is beautiful.  The words sing, "a song that the stars and moon admire". It seems perfect to me.  Thank you.