What do you think of a potential husband that talks about "equality" when referring to paying household bills?

Question

And says that the mahr is symbolic?

Basically seems to want to split the bills.

Is that normal?

Answer 1

In an Islamic sense he has no right to ask you to pay half/half. He is the one who should sustain and care for his family... It's his duty, not the wifes duty. I wasn't raised Muslim and I don't have the lesser part of the deal! My husband (Muslim) pays all of our bills and sustains our family, he has never asked me to pay. .

Answer 2

It is the husbands job to provide for his family and if the wife puts her part its  considered zakat. i want to work now to help my husband with bills cuz i know he struggles but he didnt let me work till i fully complete my college because he didnt want me working any regular job, he says you have more chances of having trouble. inshallah tell him what are your plans in islam we have to gain knowledge, and its our right, inshallah he can understand that and support you in your dreams inshallah.  

Answer 3

do not marry such a man.  He is obviously one of two. Either he is very ignorant about Islam, or he is trying to take advantage of you by assuming you do not know a lot about islam.  In any case, he is not being honest so he will not be a good husband.  the mahr does not have to be money and it does not have to be extravagant, but it has to be given otherwise the marriage is not valid.  {And give the women their dowries with a good heart...} An-Nisaa:4

Answer 4

run away. this person doesn't know their deen properly. in islaam all household things like rent,food, clothing, and medical is the right upon the husband to his wife. and the mahr is obligatory to give a marriage is not valid w/o it. no it's not normal. he's been westernized and is secular. go to your imam and ask him to be your wali so he can find a proper brother w/both good deen and character to be a suitable husband and make sure you get your rights as a wife.

Answer 5

This is unIslamic and ways of western people.  Man and woman are equal in the eyes of God but because of their different physique Allah has assigned the duty of providing every thing needed in house to husband.  Wife's duty is only to give birth to children, raise them, keep the house in order and not sharing the responsibility of bills.  

When a man and woman live like husband and wife and have a loving home with children, such material things should never come between them.

Equal responsibilities in paying bills is only equal when guy shares the aprtment with other male friends.  Wife gives mental and physical comfort to husband by letting him have s*x with her. You can't compare her sharing  her body with any amount of money.  Man can't price the difficultis she goes through carrying a baby for 9 months inside her body, delivers the baby with extreme pains, breast feed the baby for two years, cleans all the dirt after baby makes it. No any man can do it nor he is made to deliver babies. All these services of wife makes her free from all financial responsibilities of bills.  If a man wants a money making wife, he should marry a Christian woman and then experience  what kind of services she provided him.

Mehr is Islam is a gift to wife on the first night from husband.  It is her right given to her by God Almighty in Quran.  If husband doesn't have money at first night,  she has right to let him delay its payment for as long she wants or even indefinitely.   For this reason husband should give at least a small gift that he can afford that night before he consumate his marriage.

When children  grow up and start going to school, then wife can work, bring money in family and share it with husband regardless of any one keeping tabs who shares how much.  If husband has enough money to manage the family and doesn't really need wife's help, then in that case wife can spend her income where ever she wants.  For example she can give charity to poor people, help some poor relative or a Muslim neighbor  or her old parents if they happend to be poor.

My wife worked just to help her poor parents all her life and I never never stopped her from this noble act.

May Allah forgive our sins, and guide us on the right path of Islam.

AM

  

Answer 6

Sister, you got the answer there, do not marry this man. A potential Muslim husband is not a potential Muslim husband if he is already asking you to split the bills. I wouldn't marry such a man with an inability to follow what qu'ran says about a woman's earnings. You could help if you wish to, but remember it is them who are burdened by Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) to provide for a woman's shelter, food, needs. He should have no say over what you do to your money. Now if he wants to know if you would be willing to help if he is at any point unable to do it himself, then give him your point of view, but no such thing as telling you what your share should be.

Answer 7

ROFL no. Leave that man. You are asking for trouble.

The Mahr is not symbolic. It's the womens right to ask for whatever she wants. If she gives it up out of her own free will, fine.

Proof from the Qu'ran:

[And give the women their dowries with a good heart...] An-Nisaa:4

[...All others have been made lawful for you provided you seek (them in marriage) with your property...] An-Nisaa:24

The Prophet [pbuh] said in a hadith about a poor man who wished to marry:

"Search for something, even if it is just a ring made from iron."   Bukhari & Muslim

As for paying the bills, technically he is required to pay everything for you. And you, as the wife should not expect extravagant things that are useless and he can't afford. If you really want these things, you can work and buy them. And if your husband is a good man and you love him, you could agree to work to help out in the household if its really not possible for you to stay at home, which is becoming more common nowadays as making a living is getting harder and harder.

Answer 8

No, he sounds like a t**t no offense.

Answer 9

Alarm bells!!!!

Answer 10

I have the belief that such a man is asking for a divorce. he's trying to rip you off. He's supposed to pay your food, clothing and shelter and if he can, also health care. If you are going to put up with that, what's the point of becoming Muslim and marrying a Muslim man????

If he needs financial help, he should humbly admit it and ask you to help. He has no right to tell you some Communist c**p about equality.

Answer 11

not only is this person in violation with the Quran, a person who says that is not even *close* to being ready for marriage financially or mentally.

no, its not normal at all.