What do you think of adopting a child that is not your race?

Question

My husband and I always liked the idea of having one of our own biological children and aopting one. I really want to adopt a child from a third world country, like Africa or some place (no, i am not trying to be Angelina Jolie.....)

But tell me... my husband and I are white, so there for we would have a biological white child. Would a non white child feel odd in a white family. Like, misplaced?

I only ask because I knew a black family who adopted a chinese child, and he was always so depressed becuase he was so different.

What do you say?

Answer 1

i think its OK i am a white 15 year old girl and my mom adopted a black baby, she is now 7 and we love her u really don't see then as what color or race u see them as Ur kid or brother or sister what it is. but when i say shes my sister no one thinks she is but then know what happen. if Ur not ready for that then dint. My sister is crack addicted and she so smart . but everyone has a package with it.  and Jess let u in on something don't EVER adopt from china because  everyone that has had my probables their kids has had to go through more than 1 surgery

Answer 2

im sure even if they were a different race they would be gratefull to have a loving and caring family

Answer 3

if u raise him from a baby or toddler i dont think he/she would feel left out...

Answer 4

I feel very strongly that there is no better home for a child than one that is filled with love and security - no matter what the race.  Children come into this world colorblind. Ignorance is taught, as well as one's roots.  If the child you call your own is of a different race, I would recommend an ethnic mentor that can truly teach him/her their about their roots, as well as you and your history - which is a part of who they are as well.  Education is they key....

Answer 5

My wife and I are Caucasian and we've adopted six African American kids. They don't see color and others shouldn't either (in a perfect world that is). I've found the biggest group that opposes this idea are African Americans.  Bottom line is that kids need a home and people to love them.  Go for it!.

Answer 6

As an inner city "white" teacher who has loved deeply her African American students and been loved back I say find that child to add to your family. Kids thrive with routines, love, traditions and support. You are going to offer that. Look at all the children who are considered "Black" but have white mothers who thrive. I think it is foolish to dismiss color and say it doesn't matter for children of color do have an identity  that often whites don't understand. But you are going to love and support this child, this child will understand early they are loved and wanted and frankly, I think as far as adoption is concerned, Angelina Jolie has done a wonderful job of educating people.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I don't understand this attitude with adoption of going to third world countries to find a child.

You know how many miserable, unhappy children are in America? Children who are suffering just as much from not having a family? Why are people such lemmings? They see some pictures of children suffering on T.V. of children and Sally Struthers or someone similar walks on and  says how awful it is... and yes, it is. But is there suffering anymore pure than the children of this country?

      Yes, they're starving to death. But how many children in this country are abused, beaten, molested because they're in the orphanages of this country and no one wants them!

Forget about the race thing, it's only as big as you make it out to be. There will always be people who will find some reason to hate/despise others for any reason, cross racial adoption is as good as any reason for them. Teach your children well and they'll be armored against it..

Answer 8

Even though I do not desire to have my own children, ever since I was a little girl I always desired to adopt a little girl from Japan or China.

Now as I have gotten older, I still do not desire to have children of my own, but still the love of adopting a baby little girl from China or Japan dwells in my heart, and I know this is God's will for me to one day do so, even if it does not happen for another ten years.

I actually have spoken with my own parents and what their point of view would be on accepting a daughter who would not be of their race as a grandchild.

There were two "different" views...

1. My mom was thrilled with the idea. She IS hoping I will do this one day...of course I know my mom very well, she doesn't want me to go through life without experiencing life without being a Mother.

2. My Dad is not really against the idea..but he is not "fond" of it. He IS very old fashion in his thinking...Husband+Wife= Having your own kids!

My Views Husband+Wife= You can have kids, or you don't want kids, or you can adopt. Whatever makes you happy.

So either way...I  believe it's a great idea to adopt a child that is not of your race. You can give the child so much love, something they may not have. Listen to your heart, not what others think.

Answer 9

It may come across the child's mind when they are older but if you treat them like your own flesh and blood then you shouldn't worry to much.

Answer 10

Yes the child would feel out of place.There's some things love can't take care of.It would help I would think if you live in a bi-racial community.Alot of ethnic mixtures.There are alot of kid's who need families,but you don't want a child to feel out of place either.

                            Good Luck.If you believe in God,pray about it.          E.J.

Answer 11

All children deserve a loving family and loving home.  If you teach your children and your family that "being different" is okay, you are teaching tolerance which is a wonderful gift.  I once heard of an adoptive family who had children of different races and they taught their children that everyone is the same color on the palms of their hands and in their hearts!  I thought that was a nice way to explain things.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 12

Better for the child, no matter what color, to be in a healthy home environment. If the child feels uncomfortable later in life, you as parents will have to be there for him/her to let them know that there is nothing different about them.

Answer 13

It has mostly to do with the parents' attitudes.  And the child's individual personality.

But, do be aware that you said:  "having one of our OWN biological children, and adopting one".   That phrase speaks volumes in my book.

Learn, grow and get educated before you consider exploring adoption, let alone interracial adoption.

For the child's sake.  

Join a support group for adoptive parents.  And one for transracial families.  See the real deal.  Experience, talk and share, and listen!  Then a year or so from now, after that, you will be able to make an informed decision.

You have to be the leader.  And if you are not there, your child cannot be either.

Good luck!

Answer 14

I see nothing wrong with it. There are things you have to prepare for if you going to adopt transracial. Like will your family and close friends be accepting of a child that is not the same race as you all?  You would also want to encourage your adopted child and even your natural child that diversity is cool, families comes in all shapes, sizes, shades.  

You'd want to make sure your child has access to children that are the same color as them; this can be accomplished best if you live in or are willing to move to a diverse area.  Even if you don’t you can typical find some sort of group close to you, you might try meetup.com or just do some research.

Of course you’d have to deal with helping your child to be able to deal with Racism which your, husband and natural child are likely not to experience at least not as much. Because whatever anyone says there are racist’s in all races. Of course depending on the age of your adopted child you probably wouldn’t have to touch on that for a few years. There are books that can help you. That is also why its important not only for your Transraical adopted child to have friends that are the same color as him (or her) but also good for you and husband to be friends with adults who are the same race as your child. That way if your child ever felt he couldn’t talk to you about something the child would have someone they might feel more comfortable talking to. Or you could even talk to this parents and they could advice you on things.

Answer 15

You should raise your children to be accepting of that, and if you raise them to be tolerant, accepting young adults then they'll understand. It shouldn't be something that worries you. Good luck. =]

Answer 16

nope, not as long as the child is young, my best friend was adopted to america from india when she was 13 months old and lives with a white family and for her it's just normal, but it could depend on the child

Answer 17

If race is an issue don't do it

If you want a child to love, by all means be my guest

You should adopt out of love... Look at Brad and Angelina... those kids seem happy and loved and don't care about color... if your home is filled with love than that's all that matters... share your blessings with those less fortunate!

Answer 18

I say that as long as you keep in mind that there are cultural differences that are visible and allow the child to explore their ethnic roots and even participate in their customs and practices, you should have no problem.

Our resident police officer and his wife adopted two First Nations children. They are both of Scandinavian descent so you know that the colour of skin was even noticeable. They encouraged the children to find their roots and research all they could about it. They participated in Pow-Wows and potlatches, sweat lodges and all experiences that go along with their Native culture. They accepted them for who they were and allowed them to be free enough to know that while they were their parents, they were their support as well. It eased them through their teen angst and neither one suffers an identity crisis. The eldest is in University right now, he is getting a degree in engineering. The girl just graduated Hi-school and has plans on going through Early Childhood Development. I woould have to say that they are more adjusted than some of the other teens who were born into their families around here.

Go for it!! AND Blessings on your choice to give a child of another culture an opportunity to be in the home of a loving and compassionate couple!

Answer 19

It would only be awkward if you make it.  My friend was middle eastern and adopted by white Canadians.  His whole family were mean to him.  Not a lot, just subtly.  His mom acts like it's this huge burden (her sacrifice) having a non-white child.  They're trying to move and she keeps going on about how they can't live in and all white neighborhood because it's "too hard".  He was hanging out with some white neighbor kids and he's worried that if they are seen in public people will think he's a pedophile. He's only 18 BTW.

If you are sure you can get past those types of things I think it's a great thing to do.

Answer 20

I look at children as inacent.They need somebody to look up to it does not matter the color.Just because a person gives birth to a child.It doesn't mean they earned the title.The words parent, mother, father, have got to be earned.Anyone can have a child but it don't mean they earn the title.Children look for guidence,love,kindness,a parent, and a friend.Someone who has patience.It does not matter the color white ,black,asian chinesse, japanesse,native american, ect.They are looking to be loved.And remember children are inacent,They look up to adults for acceptance,guidence,loveand much more it should not matter the color.It is not their fault they are a different color.Everyone is different.Also having a child of a different color you can teach them not to be racest.Help them to choose a good path and not be racest.you both have heart. I hope this helped.GOOD LUCK!

Answer 21

There are hundreds of families who have done it and done it succesfully.  There are a few things you can do to make it easier for the child:

Teach the whole family to be tolerant of others.

Don't deny that the child looks different, but don't make a huge issue out of it either.  They look different because a different mommy carried them in her tummy.

Make sure that they have access to some adult friends of the same race as themselves, this will allow them access to their historical culture.

Some people also find that it helps to adopt another child later that is the same ethnicity that way the child isn't the odd man out.

Answer 22

Love is color blind.  I say "good for you" and "GO FOR IT"

Answer 23

I think that it depends on how you treat the child. Like if you treat him/her as he/she is different then they might not like that too much. Perhaps you should adopt another child that is not of your race so that they don't feel so different after all. I am not an expert in this subject but I feel that it is all in how you bring up the child and how you treat him or her.

Answer 24

Read the book "raising a child like me" and you will learn how important it is for a child of color to have other children they can relate to racially.  If your adopted child is to be the only non caucasian child in the family they may develop some insecurities.

Two of the myths expelled in that book are "love is enough" and "color of skin does not matter".

I learned a lot from reading that book.

Something else I suggest is seeking guidance from transracially adopted adults who were the only non caucasian in their immediate family.  Ask them how they felt.  They can give you great advice.

My family is transracial and my best guidance has been from transracially adopted adults.

Would you consider adopting two non caucasian children?  From what I have read it would be a very different situation than that of one non caucasian child in the family.

Answer 25

I think its fine but you might run into problems in her teen years with heritage progects if she is a different tone than she might get teased by the selful stupid kids BUT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT

Answer 26

Okey-dokey, the answer depends a lot upon your REASONING.  Are you wanting to adopt someone from Africa, etc., because you feel sorry for them?  (I think not; just want you to think about all the angles.)

A person with no bias, who is loving, kind, considerate...who can give a good home, won't have a problem.  (If you don't tell the children, they won't "know"; they will think that's the way it is.

This is not a good comparison, but Berlitz (yes, the founder of the Berlitz School of Languages) grew up in a family wherein every adult spoke a different language.  Despite the modern day view of such things, Berlitz grew up thinking this was "natural", that every family was the same way.

As long as no one makes it an "issue", things will work out.

Of course, some time you will have to give the "facts of life"; (in this case, possibly a different race).

Answer 27

that's fine... just dont get to emotionally attached to them.. they do grow up and take on trats from there own back gound.. i have a bunch of asian.. they make good workers.. but when they get older .. i will have to replace then

Answer 28

I say in this day and age any one who really matters won't give a #$@# about that at all, and there are so many blended families out there that your child wouldn't grow up feeling any different.

Answer 29

o my goodness. i never thought about it. adopt the child not the race. of  course if you are doing it from a humanitarian stand then you adopt out of whatever country is suffering more i suppose.