What do you think of my 15 year old daughter's friends?

Question

My daughter has two friends that are twin sisters she has known for years. We moved 30 miles away a few years ago, but they stayed in touch. A few monthes ago I let her invite the girls over to spend the night.

Now I found out their mother lost her house, she has some major problems, she lost her kids and the girls live with their aunt. I had hoped my daughter would just not be close friends with them after we moved. My daughter is a honor roll student and does sports, so when school starts she won't have time to see the girls.

Anyway, my question is should she go stay at their aunts, my sister, my husband and her counselor think not, but my daughter is pressuring me to allow it. I told her they could come over to our house, but she said no, because it is too boring. Last time I saw the girls they were bragging to me about how they ride in cars with boys all the time. Am I being overprotective, the twins have been a bad influence in the past as well.

Answer 1

ok the one thing i hate so much is when my mom tells me i cant hang out with someone. bad influences, huh, well just let her go with her friends. i think you are good to be worried, but your starting to seem a little overpretective. i wouldnt know cause i havnt met them but a 15 is defintly smart enough to take care of herself in that situation, so just let her be and be supportive. plus ridding in cars with boys isnt bad at all, its what you do with the boys.

also the moms that are saying teens are so easily influenced are WRONG, we know what we are doing most of the time. and she is 15 your lucky shes not going out and getting high or doing shrooms. i know kids that sneak out a lot and its normal, or kids that do lots of bad stuff

i would say hard drugs, s*x, and getting drunk is where you draw the line.

Answer 2

i for one think that from a teen's point of view, the situation is very unfair. but your decision for her is the best. she shouldnt go live with her friends no matter how close they are. i love my friends to death and this year we are going to different high schools. i begged my mom to transfer, but she said no of course. at first i did think that it was really unfair, but then i thought about her and how she would have to drive me to school everyday instead of me just walking. and it seems that i only wanted to tranfer schools because of my friends. now i know that i have to make my own path.think about the twins situation, if their mother resolves her issues and gets a house and custudy of the twins back, your daughter is left living with either their aunt or their mother. so my straight answer to you as a teen myself is no. dont let her go.

Answer 3

well i had a friend over five times older than them. so what you making it out to be is ridicule. you parents are suppose to be you best friend and they old,so age limit to friends is stupid. as long as you don't have s*x with them that's ok which i doubt. dates are ok. anyway i guess she gets called young w/e her name is by them as they older. you don't state their age so i really can't judge much.  seems a little slimer to gossip girl when jen was hanging round with those older girls even in real life like miley and mandy and all her older bf's. well as u can see this thing is normal so don't worry 2 much. they them selfs but extra careful when hanging round your daughter. believe me they know they are responsible  

Answer 4

your daughter seems really smart and sensible so i dont think she will be influenced easily. if she gets caught doing something i would ground her an dont let her see the twins.. are the twins the same age?? i think they have spiralled outta control cause their life has changed and they dont live with mother. and maybe theyre getting at your daughter because she has everything they dont.

just chill abit till something serious happens.

goodluck :]

Answer 5

your daughter sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders. i wouldnt distrust her unless you have a solid reason to. for example, if she gets caught sneaking out at night or if her grades slip, THEN id draw the line. for now, we can only expect she's just being a typical teenager, and having fun.

Answer 6

You say they have been a bad influence in the past and they have bragged right to you about doing something you would (presumably) not allow for your own daughter, so no I don't think you are being overprotective. It sounds like you are being smart.

Ask your daughter what is it about your house that would make it boring compared to the Aunt's house? I'm thinking it could be that there, they would be allowed to do a lot more (questionable) things. Not that your daughter will admit that, but what else could it be? What can they do there that they can't do at your own house? Even if it was an issue like, they have a cool gaming system and you don't - the twins could always bring it over with them.

Stick to your guns. You are doing your job.  

Answer 7

Your daughter is a honor roll student, and she is 15... I know it may feel like she's still really young, but you're going to have to start letting her make decisions for herself. If she feels it's right, let her go.

Your daughter should be able to make the right decisions for herself.

For example... I'm 14, and my friend's parents dislike me because I have facial piercings; they think that I'm going to try and get their kids into getting piercings. But that's not the case. So just because the twins ride in cars with boys, it doesn't mean they're going to try and pressure your daughter to.

Hope this helped xx

Answer 8

I don't see why not. You're being way overprotective. They ride in cars with boys? That's normal now. My mom let me get in a car with my cousin who's like 27...and to top that, he was half drunk. Actually she had no choice because she wasn't there. But she didn't say anything about it to him when I told her. Maybe on the weekends she can go stay with them. Its not good to keep her from her friends.  

Answer 9

well your her mum so you can control that

Answer 10

I think you should let her visit. I just had some of my bestest friends move away. They were supposed to visit 2day but they cant so Im like in tears! I know what its like to miss your friends more than anything!!

    I think your daughter may be trustable. I met up with one of my old friends (who was a guy) yesterday in the mall shopping for clothes. He had 2 of his friends -male- with him and I was gonna hang out with them while my mom went to the car to charge her cell phone. She wouldnt let me though bcuz she said she didnt trust me. Which is retarded. They are just my friends I wasnt going to run away with them or even think about doing anything with them. *pukes* Shopping was the only thing on my mind! :)

Answer 11

no. dont let them go. i sniff grief.  

Answer 12

I'm 21 years old, which makes your daughter a mere six years younger than me. This could make me sympathetic, and I could tell you to loosen up and let her go, but I think not.

Her counsellor should have a solid reason for not wanting her to go, and as a mother, it's important to trust your instincts. I think it's more appropriate to ride in cars with non-related boys at 16, and even then, I'd want more people than just my daughter alone in the car with boys!!

Suggest a compromise: can she go and visit at the aunt's house, and you or your husband can take them home at night? 9 or 10 pm? That way, she can still see her friends, but it's avoiding that night danger zone for so many teens.

And I agree, in a lot of cases you can trust your level-headed honour roll student to keep her head in certain situations, but as a mother it's perfectly natural to want to keep them out of what you see as more "risky" situations.

You say the twins have been a bad influence before... Which gives you a reason other than instinct to mistrust them.

Hmm. What do you think of the aunt they live with? Can you talk to her?

Good luck with sorting everything out. You know in your heart what the right decision for your family is, so go with your instincts.

xo Cal

Answer 13

I was never in that situation but I know from experience that if she wants to do something behind your back, she'll do it.

You should give her the benefit of a doubt. Has she done anything for you to pull out the red flag? She seems like she knows what she's doing. And if she does something to lose your trust then that's why you draw the line. How she behaves and what she does is a reflection of yours and your husband's parenting skills. If you taught her right, she'll show it. 15 is when they start growing and learning about life. Sure she's going to make mistakes, but she'll learn from them. How is she going to learn if she doesn't make those mistakes?

I was on high honor throughout school, even in Elementary school. I did orchestra and marching band. But my parents were very protective. You're not over protective at all, you're just doing your job as a mother. I wasn't allowed to have friends, I wasn't allowed to talk to the neighbors, I wasn't allowed to go out, I pretty much lived under a rock. So I went behind my mom's back and started dating at 16 and ended up pregnant a few months before my 18th birthday.

It all boils down to your relationship with your daughter. Are you close? Is she able to talk to you about anything and everything? I know in my case, my mom and I had no communication. Yea we talk, but I couldn't talk to her about anything personal.

So I say let her go and let her learn. She's not going to be your little girl forever. But just keep an eye on her grades.

All in all, you're her mother. Do what you feel is best for your daughter. I know sometimes it's hard to make those decisions, afraid that you made the wrong choice and would regret. But she's also old enough to make her own decisions, although not very wise ones. But she has to start somewhere.

Answer 14

as the mom of a teenage boy i would say no. kids are so easyily swayed and influenced. keep inviting them to your house. try to help them find fun things to do. every teen thinks thier house is boring and thier freinds have it WAY better.

dont worry, and dont try to push away the friendship. but keep an eye on the direction it takes. thats your job as mom. good luck.

Answer 15

wow r u seriously thinking about not letting her see her friends. u r guranteed 1 of those moms that if ur kid brings home a boyfriend u are gunna not like him and make her brake up with him all because u dont want ur "poor little baby" to grow up.

Answer 16

Call the aunt. You should be able to tell from a conversation with her the vibe about how the household is run. If your gut says no, I say trust it. Let her know your concerns, speak with your daughter, and try and come to some sort of agreement. If you get any negative impression from the aunt or she doesn't talk to you, I would say "no". That is, if you are truly concerned about her getting hurt or in serious trouble. If it's just not wanting to let your baby go, you may need to rethink things.

The key to ensuring everyone is happy at this age is compromise and a little space for her.