What do you think of my Free Verse Mars Poem?

Question

Mars Poem By: Tia Metcher

Rock strewn surface,

envelop in Rustic hue,

Talcum powder sprinkled,

Creating sandy dunes,

Roman god of war,

4th ranked from your Sun,

Protected by it's guards,

Phobos and deimos,

Raise your shield, Olympus Mons

Towards the Heavenly sky,

See where other martians are,

out there that you can find,

Bring me back some samples of -

Martian neighbour soil,

In hope that we can one day make,

Something rich in toil.

Answer 1

The aliens are here, the aliens are here! They told me they like your poetry, and you can have all the dirt you can carry, it is free, all you have to do is pick it up!   Cheers!

After looking at farmer's drawn picture  Maybe you wont need to pick it up! He can draw!  Cheers!

Answer 2

Tia, i want to try some of that dirt

when you get back..thanks.  :)

also i libertied the sentinal job

and took care of SimonK..

he wasnt playing nice.

http://www.omgwhatever.com/farmer/molecu...

his molecules are on Pluto

mingling with the ammonia.   :)

Answer 3

This has some potential, but needs some attention.  I did a quick rewrite of some of your lines to give you some ideas as to how to maybe make it flow differently. This is worth the extra time to make it shine.  

Rock strewn surface,

enveloped, rustic hue,

talcum powder sprinkled,

reddish, sandy dunes.

Roman god of war,

4th ranked from the Sun,

protected by sentinels,

Phobos and deimos moons.

Raise your shield, Olympus Moons

towards the heavenly sky,

See where other Martians are,

out there that you can find,

Bring me back  samples of -

our Martian neighbour's soil,

In hope that we can one day make,

something rich from our toil.