What do you think of my Ku/Haiku's 5.7,5?

Question

This is too explain my frustrations and attempts in learning American Haiku....

Trying to brush hair,

Difficult when hairs knotted,

Brush is stuck in hair

This is my Anoyance with sending (reply) message to contacts which always seem to fail, unless mail is sent from Contacts profile, only than is it successful.

Hope you receive mail,

Our Mail man should be fired

Reply’s always fail.

Answer 1

Strong wind tosses hair

What I see is hair today

And gone tomorrow.

Answer 2

I love Haiku!

I can really relate to the first one either  I am always getting the brush stuck in my hair or my pooches--either way I relate and it works for me! I like it just the way it is!

Yes I can feel the frustration in the second one --could your mail man be a relative of the trolls here?  LOL  Cheers!!

Answer 3

Interesting. But I would avoid using impersonal verbs like "is" and "be"  and try replacing with more active verbs.

Also, avoiding saying "to"

I would change it to say

Hair is hard to brush

Tangled, Knotted, matted

The brush is useless

But thats just my suggestion everyone has different preferences! You include the visual imagery of something being stuck in the hari which I found somewhat amusing so maybe you should keep it. It depends on you!

Answer 4

hair brush...attitude

when knots appear in the curl

tangle free brush? Sure....