What do you think of my Paragraphs?

Question

If they're not good, how can I improve them?

1. The time traveller’s wife is by far the most favoured of books I have read, as I found that I was compelled to keep reading right from the start. Although I found the structure and plot sometimes complicated, I persisted, because the characters were so well portrayed, that I emphasised with them and became completely captivated by the plot. The story was emotionally engaging, and despite time travel being implausible, I found it convincing.

2. After reading the Catcher in the Rye, I had very contrasting opinions on the storyline. Despite thinking the narrative tedious, I understood symbolism that almost all teenagers can relate to. The characterisation of the chief protagonist was fascinating; although his depressive teenage disposition made him cynical, he still came over as intelligent and sensitive.

3. Aside from making a powerful statement about the "American Dream," the Great Gatsby I thought, was brilliantly written; the phrasing was rhythmic with definitive paragraph constructions. However, I found that the protagonists were undeveloped, and the storyline became melodramatic in some instances.

Also do you have an ideas of what i can add to the paragraphs; particuarly 3.?

Answer 1

You empathised not emphasised with them.

That's in paragraph 1.

Answer 2

1. "the most favoured of books I have read" is a bit weird ("Most favored," generally refers to something favored by -others-, not yourself.) and ambiguous (Is it your favourite book of all books you've ever read?  Is it the one you liked the best of several you read for the assignment?)

I would simplify and clarify the second sentence a bit, too.  "Although the structure was unusual, and required close attention, I persisted...."

2. Not "very contrasting".  Gotta be another way to say that.  How about, "I was ambivalent about the storyline," or "I was of two minds: I found the narrative tedious, but the symbolism was appealing."  (That may not be right; I haven't read the book in decades, but I don't remember much symbolism in it.) I also would leave out "still", because there isn't much contrast between "cynical" and "intelligent and sensitive."  There's enough that you can leave in "although," but "still" is a bit too strong.

3. Leave off the quotes around American dream.  No, wait, you're not in the US, right?  (If you were, you wouldn't have a "u" in "favour.")  So maybe the quotes and capitals are correct, where you are.  Here, we would just say, "about the American dream."

I would say, rather than "I found that the protagonists were undeveloped," merely, "the protagonists were undeveloped."  If you want to hedge, suggesting that it's merely your opinion, "I thought," works, but "I found," doesn't.  And usually hedging isn't such a good idea.

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Answer 3

Hey,

I thought that was really good and personally i wouldn't add any more to the paragraphs because it might be like awkwardly dragging it on, I think what you wrote there is perfect :)

xxxx