What do you think of my Story so far? ?

Question

Ok so i started this a while ago and i only have two paragraphs but i don't wanna move on if the beginning is not good. Here it is:

"It is the dawn of a new day, where once again darkness encases the earth. The ground beneath my feet has been dampened by the merciless torrent that has pelted this land for days. Giving us all a sign of despair. The once before flourishing flowers are now drowning into nothing. My homeland is dieing away into a cold, murky, and flooded mess. And I am left to look down upon it and watch it happen, with no way to stop it. It’s painful, almost as painful as the loss of both my parents, nine years ago. The unending darkness pulls upon us a bone chilling draft. I look down at my home from the sky, for just one last glance, as I proceed into the realm of the lost. No… I am not dead, like those I am visiting. Except I will never be like them; I am genetically altered such as to make me more superior than any other human alive. You can say that I have special powers, but they are more like abilities I have been given. I am sure most humans would like the ability to morph into a wolf or have complete control over fire, but with these abilities comes responsibility. Which is where I am headed, to answer my calling.

The doors to the spirit world can be brutal to pass through if you are not yet a spirit. But as soon as you enter all welcomes you, especially when you are one of the renowned protectors, which I have become over my very few years of life. After witnessing my parents’ death from a tree at age five I was taken away by a man who became like a father to me. He was another protector, really if it were not for him I would not have these abilities. He gave them to me right before he took his last breath. So I guess you can say that I am an orphan, but I can fend for myself."

Please tell me what you think... thanks

Answer 1

I thought it was pretty good and you should continue it. You might want to post it on http://www.chapteread.com to get more feedback. It's a great writing site.

Answer 2

I love it! I am also a writer and by the looks of that story you can write a book about it. I ts very interesting. I love how you used "right before he took his last breath"! You should keep on adding on to the story!

Answer 3

I  personally love it! I want to become a writer but unfortunetly my stories aren't the best. I hope you finish it. Or at least write more. If you do i would LOVE to see the rest. I am not kidding. Thanks for putting it up on here.

-CS

Answer 4

pretty good, i like it.  you could go pretty far with it.  to me it sounds like you combined a bunch of Stephenie Meyer books, like Jacob from the Twilight series and The Host with all the aliens.  I think its pretty good, just that you gave away too much information about the main character too soon in the book.  sometimes its fun to have to keep a secret from the reader to leave them guessing until later on in the story.