What do you think of my attempt at Sonnet.?

Question

Does it still need a brush up?

And how can I improve it?

Sonnet

A Sonnet is a poem consisting of 14 lines (iambic pentameter) with a particular rhyming scheme:

rhyming scheme:

#1) abab cdcd efef gg

From above, God sits upon his petal stool,

Admiring the vast beauty sowed by hand,

Glistening crystal blue Sapphire Jewel,

Swiftly caress against golden buff sand,

Enveloping the great coliseum,

Radiant sun reflects God’s graceful glee,

Wind orchestrates earth’s athenaeum,

This beautiful world which captivates me,

Autumn leaves percussion, bee’s dance on hives,

Choir birds sing whilst humming birds sing their hymns

Drum beats roll across ecliptic night eyes,

Seasons inspire nature’s creative whim,

Soft subtle melodies played by nature,

Twirling atoms dance to earths denature.

Answer 1

It is very sonnet-like. You are inspired by wonderful things. Someday, despite speaking Australian, you will be a great storyteller...

Answer 2

I really like your poem! It is catchy and has a good subject that makes you happy after you read it.

Answer 3

Looking good. One suggestion, earths in the last line should be earth's, if I understand the meaning correctly.

Answer 4

Neonman seems to know what he is talking about so if your looking for helpful criticism guess I would go with him!

I am not qualified enough to give that kind of support to you but would like to mention that this stanza  enchanted me!

Autumn leaves percussion, bee’s dance on hives,

Choir birds sing whilst humming birds sing their hymns

Drum beats roll across ecliptic night eyes,

Seasons inspire nature’s creative whim,

This has a beautiful picture, just had to let you know!!  Cheers !!

Answer 5

It was nice. And it was about God so I give you an A+

Answer 6

Pentameter refers to 10 beats.  Iambic pentameter is -/-/-/-/-/ or five feet.

Your first line is /-///-/-/-/  That is not iambic pentameter. This is a poem, not a sonnet by sonnet definitions.  Be careful of what you wish for.  As a poem this is not bad.  Go back and make it in sonnet form.  It will be a good exercise.  

From above, God sits upon his petal stool, 11

Admiring the vast beauty sowed by hand, 11

Glistening crystal blue Sapphire Jewel, 10

Swiftly caress against golden buff sand, 10

Enveloping the great coliseum, 10

Radiant sun reflects God’s graceful glee, 10

Wind orchestrates earth’s athenaeum, 9

This beautiful world which captivates me, 10

Autumn leaves percussion, bee’s dance on hives, 10

Choir birds sing whilst humming birds sing their hymns 10

Drum beats roll across ecliptic night eyes, 10

Seasons inspire nature’s creative whim, 10

Soft subtle melodies played by nature, 10

Twirling atoms dance to earths denature. 10