Question:

What do you think of my composition?

by  |  earlier

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A moment of solitude

The ocean seemed to be glazed with the stars’ white gold in that silver light that was beautifully shining in the mysterious darkness of the night.Phantom shadows were dancing and covering like a veil the crystal mirror of the water.Wild breathes of the wind could be easily heard in that perfect silence that embraced the whole sphere.I found myself wandering across the acvatic kingdom,joined by deep feelings of nostalgy and happiness both blended in my heart.Somewhere in the sky,a graven image of diamonds intersected with my eyes,my mind that needed a spark of wisdom to find the hope to make it through.All that surrounded me felt asleep in the magic perfume of the flowers which were the frame of the exotic picture I belonged to.The fine sand under my feet,was like a golden powder sweetly shining in the moonlight.Although the warm rays of the sun were missing the magic thrills that the night’s brilliancy was spreading around were so pleasant like a hot hug of one summer day.The flowers that were flourishing their beauty in the early dawn then had their cups closed.The immensity of the ocean and the endless feelings overflowed in my soul led me into a dreaming place where nobody could hurt me anymore and where every tear dropped of my face was metamorphosed into a diamond which forever was sparkling in timeless memories emblazoned in the harmless and powerful frames of my heart.

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6 ANSWERS


  1. k


  2. too much simile.....

    This composition is like the cold breeze of the passing of a shaggy dog as his breath, which is like the coolness of a winters chill, flutters like a beating heart against my foot, which is like .............a persons foot

  3. Wow, that is phenomenal!  Your a magnificent writer:-).  I can tell your very deep.

    If you want critique I don't really have much on your choice of words or really grammar neither.  However, the ONLY thing i would fix is ur sentences.  I mean like I think that some of them could be divided into two.  For example, the last sentence is kinda long, yet it still holds the beauty of ur composition.

    I would def. give it an A!

    Oh, that is what I meant.  You had too much simile in one sentence...you could either take some out or divide it into two sentences.  Still, very good!

    And also, it's not that your a bad writer...you just have a diff. writing style...I mean I wish I could come up w/  great similes be vivid...I'm more of a journalistic writer...kinda to the point with some vividness.

  4. its good...i guess?

  5. Don't get too flamboyant, if you cut down on some of that and shorten your sentences it could be a great piece of description. The first sentence is a run-on, so that distracts the reader in the beginning. I like your use of adjetives. Try to stay away from words like "that" and make sure your sentences make sense in the order that they are in. Take the second sentence, for example-I know it adds to the style of the overall piece but I would but the "covering like a veil" after the "crystal mirror of the water". Another example-change the "that"  in "that perrfect silence" to "the". It would make it sound a lot better and it wouldn't distract the reader. Overall, it could be very good with some work.

    _-_ I hope that was constructive critism!

  6. U romanian eh, I'm half romanian and I couldn't write a word in romanian

    you need a spell checker.  You got a lot of words spelled wrong.

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