What do you think of my daughters poem?

Question

my 12 yr old daughter has been writing poems for a few weeks now, and she has been asked to write one for the nspcc(UK) national society protection cruelty to children. for a school project, please genuine answers only,because my daughter will be reading the answers tomorrow,

treat your children,the way you should,

you may get arrested,you know you could

dont kick them,dont hit them

dont treat them the wrong way

or you'll go to prison,and there you'll stay

the children wimper,the children cry

dont send them up into the sky

why have children if you beat them up?

if you hurt them,please please stop

dont lock them up,in their room

remember,it was you, who put them in their mothers womb

please,now listen to my point of view

and make your childs life brand new!

i know she's my daughter,but i think that is a really good poem for a 12yr old girl,i'm so proud.

Answer 1

I love it, it is really good, :).

Answer 2

good

Answer 3

kudos for ur daughter,could have less violent words more emotional words

Answer 4

Good Peom!

Answer 5

I love the poem its really lovely. Good on you! Just certain bits of advice which should NOT be taken to the heart because i really do like the poem.

1) Punctuation - not a necessity as poems don't have to have it but it just makes for easier reading.

2)Rhyme - this rhyme scheme is fine but don;t feel you have to rhyme every line. You see a lot of poems which have different rhyming line which give a bit more depth to the poem.

It is a great poem i cant say that - KEEP GOING!

Answer 6

really good, brings out emotions when you read it, which a poem should do. talented girl.

Answer 7

It made me cry.  She is very insightful.  I think it is very good, and so true.  You have every right to be proud.

Answer 8

so... what...? are you bragging? it's alright, except its obvious she's trying too hard to rhythm. it sounds so corny.

Answer 9

Great Poem!!!

I agree with the poster above me though, its kinda unfair only refering to men as the abusers.

Over all , i give you a big thumbs up!!!!!

Answer 10

Sounds like you might have a future writer on your hands.

Answer 11

It's very good, A nice poem on her opinion:)

Answer 12

I think that is a wonderful beginer poem for a 12 year old.......and for a noble cause too! You and your daughter should be very proud

Answer 13

Definately an amazing poem for a twelve year old!

She's very talented!!

I love the use of rhyme. especially when she says

"the children wimper, the children cry

don't send them up into the sky"

That really got to me.

The only critique i could give would be for her to use more powerful wording- however, she is only twelve. And this poem is still really amazing.

Congradulate her for me- she should keep going with her writing. It's amazing!

Good Luck.

Samantha-Ashlee.

Answer 14

its bitter sweet bc of the topic..but is very well written and meaningful i got chills u have a smart lil girl.

Answer 15

not easy to be a poet, well done girl, you are.

Answer 16

I think you have a future poet on your hands. It's a God given talent please please encourage it. Let her write as often as she wishes however she wishes. As she grows so too will her talent. Baby Girl you take first prize! God Bless!

Answer 17

Great insight from a young girl!  Encourage her to continue writing them.

Answer 18

Good job.  Very impressed!  =)

Answer 19

Wow, well done.

Answer 20

Its Great  I Love It!  and yes you should be very proud .......

Answer 21

wow i LOVED it tell her to keep writing!

Answer 22

omg thats so sad in a good way- the only thing i would change is the "don't send them up in the sky" part cuz that makes no sense . Good luck- its for a good cause

Answer 23

I think that she has done an amazing job writing this poem.  I started writing poems at the age of twelve, too.  Now, I'm 18 and have been published many times.  

I would suggest using www.poetry.com  and entering some contests.

Answer 24

Some people are easily pleased..it's crèpe. There are too many syllables in some lines so it doesn't flow. The words rose, tinted and spectacles spring to mind.

Answer 25

one the the BEST poems i have ever heard in my life

Answer 26

Well, dear Mother, indeed, you should be proud!  Your child shows sensitivity and compassion in her writing.  It saddens me that a twelve year old has been 'privileged' to such horror in her young life ... but such is our society.  Her writing tells us that the 'news' hasn't gotten past her young ears....  And her sensitivity tells me that her little heart hurts for the innocent, and she reminds the parents of their 'choices' and their possible judgment.   I am very touched by this young girls insight.  I pray she will continue to listen.... to hear.... to reason...... to care....... to act.  Thank your God for this beautiful child, I already have!  Blessings.

Answer 27

Great poem for a 12 year old,

Only criticism is that "don't send them up into the sky" does not really make any sense I would put something like

"don't hurt them so much that you make them die"

Also the bit about the mothers womb sounds like you are just referring to men!!!  I would put something like

"don't make their life full of doom and gloom!!"

also sorry but the bit about make your child's life brand new is a bit wrong

should be something more like

make your child's life have a better view!!!

as it really cannot be a life brand new - if you see my point.

Apart from that It all makes good sense.

hope you do not mind my criticism

Answer 28

ya i think its really good you should be proud....buuuuuuuuuuuuut... i dont like line 2, to me it kind of says you may get arrested if you treat your children the way you should, which doesnt make sense, but im no expert...

great poem, keep it up!

Answer 29

well done to you,

10 out of 10!

Lets hope the right people read it and take notice.

Edit; I was gonna "thumbs down" one or two answers, but after all everyone entitled to their opinion, ..

                                                              .....even if they are wrong.

Answer 30

Its a little graphic but it gets the message across, lets just hope the people who she reads it to  really listen to the message in it.. GOOD LUCK

Answer 31

I like that, I love the way it rhymes and the ideas are very insightful. I think it would be a great poem to read on the tube (one of the Poems on the Underground). Definitely encourage your daughter to write more. Children have a different outlook on things than adults, giving children's poetry an important place in literature.