What do you think of my first ever Essence Poem.?

Question

Hi, I am trying out new poetry.

Essence

The Essence, created by Emily Romano is a short, structured form of two-lines,

six syllables each with an end rhyme and internal rhyme.

Starved ants ravage their site,

Small beasts with savage bite.

Answer 1

Don't know this one. Very Oriental. Your example seems, to me, very good.

Answer 2

Wow that`s wonderful! I LOVE ANTS! lol. I know this may sound weird but I got a little rush from your 2 line rhyme scheme.

Ants are amazing. I saw a tiny ant carrying a huge, dead butterfly once. That sight was astonishing; when you think of the weight proportions. The butterfly had to be more than 100 times it`s size!

Answer 3

It can mean on the same line or line to line internal rhyme.

These are nice short poems and your poem is particularly nice.  I like that both lines relate to each other.  Good Job

Answer 4

honestly i think lenghening the poem would be a good idea.

Answer 5

And maybe I am slow...but where is the internal rhyme?  Internal means to me on the same line.

Answer 6

Whoa! Ravage and savage sound like internal rhyme to me.

Answer 7

i think its a good essence

but maybe you should try to find something deeper

search inside yourself to find something important to you and make it into a metaphor