What do you think of my first ever Harrisham Rhyme Poem?

Question

Harrisham Rhyme

Harrisham Rhyme, created by the female poet, Harrisham Minhas, belonging to the State of Punjab

in India, of a six-line rhyming stanza. In this form, the last alphabet of the first word of each line is the

first alphabet of the first word of next line.

There is no restriction on the starting alphabet of the first line.

Rhyming scheme : ababab.

Wrist watch worn warrantee expired,

In ones death, ones work is mired,

In ones life, ones work aspired,

Growing old we become retired,

Wear our last suit which is required,

Dressed in black, our farewell attired.

Answer 1

You inspire me to keep trying new forms...

Answer 2

Edit: (first answer now not required)

The first poem was a good stand alone effort.

I see merit in the style you have described. Thank you for introducing it. Looks pretty hard to do.

Answer 3

There is nothing about this poem that corresponds to your description of the form. Its rhyme scheme is AAAAAA. If by "alphabet" you mean letter; well the last letter of the first word is 't' and the first letter of the first word of the second line is 'i.' Notwithstanding all that, this poem is quite good. But I still wonder what the h**l you were talking a bout in regard to the form.

Answer 4

Wristwatch or wrist-watch. Warranty.

Answer 5

From your poem and the other Answers, it seems you have not followed your own instructions. Please post another example.

Answer 6

Your instructions were befuddling to me, but maybe me, however I did like the verse.

Answer 7

I give you an A+ for at least trying something new!

Keep expanding your mind, girl friend!

No matter the form, I like the poem.

A wise friend recently said to me: "Let it flow and forget about Shakespeare." (Thank you, Elaine.)

Answer 8

Are you sure you posted the correct poem?  According to your example the beginning word of each line is determined by the beginning word of the line before it.

From your example:

Rhythmi 'c' patterns encapsulating what I feel,

'c' ascad 'e' in words which comfort my soul,

'e' mbossin 'g' the experiences that appeal,

'g' enerate 'd' in phrases with firm control,

'd' elightfu 'l' lines upshot with zeal,

'l' eading my muse to a further stroll.

According to this, your second line should begin with a 't' word because the first word of the first line ends with a 't' and so on.  Also, your rhyme scheme is mono rhyme and not "ababab"

However, despite having said all this, it is still a very nice poem and I really enjoy the mono rhyme you used.

***Oops, sorry, I answered before reading other responses...you already know all this.

Answer 9

Now your getting fancy girl!

My understanding is the last alphabet of the first word. first word is (wrist) which ends with a  ( T) yet you began the next line with an ( I )

So now I am really confused- your making my mind work overtime and I wasn't able to sleep last night!  If your still up, help me with my confusion!

( Wanted to say it is still a very clever poem anyhow) Will wait for you to post again so that I may understand this better!

Cheers!!