What do you think of my free verse poem?

Question

im capativated by the essence of beauty radiating off her skin such a beautiful site its a intense struggle to simply look the other way trapped in a dormant state of mind as i gaze upon her long luscious envirgorating hair i morph into the form that of a statue as she stares with those deep penetrating eyes i could stare right back into them for hours at a time her sweet innocent laughter illuminates my soul engulfing me with sheer joy she travels with such grace and such flair like an angel without wings her lips are so delicatley soft like a fluffy white cloud a mere hug from her instansouly erases the negative emotions that the day has inflicted as if an ivisible needle injected me as she spreads harmony where ever she may walk seeing her pearly white teeth causes me to smile as well as she draws closer my heart flutters as her seductive lips meet my face i change into a diffrent color known as red her voice omits s*x appeal drawing me to her as moth to a flame i feel at ease as

Answer 1

free verse is very forgiving and can be very powerful i like most of this but it feels to story like to many little words,

beautty radiates off her skin engulfing me, a moth to the flame. capavataed, her innocent laugher, seductive lips, drawing me near,

Answer 2

wow that's really good. if a guy read this to me i'd be all over him! lmao

Answer 3

I like this but I think you could make it better.  Obviously, most everybody else loves it, and it's got a lot of visceral power to it.  You're definitely communicating an emotion.  I would go back through and fix the spelling and grammar where appropriate (unless they are there intentionally and you like them there, you should fix them), and just reassess every word and phrase choice to make sure it's the best one to move your poem along.  For instance, "morph into the form that of a" seems a little odd for me - maybe "transform" instead.  

There's a lot here to like, and I think if you tighten it up it could be a really great poem, not just good.

Answer 4

Nice..  I sure hope you got some action for that one.. LOL..

  Good stuff..  Keep it up..

Answer 5

wow... it's very vivid and looks like u worked real hard. amazing details!

lol this is the only long poem that i actually thought was worth reading. :)

Answer 6

VERY good, i have to say, the words are real and dont sound fake. d**n son, your in love..lol.. it is a awesome feeling!