What do you think of my introduction for my essay? anything i should add or change to it?

Question

Despite how Galsworthy’s short story “The Japanese Quince” is very indirect, Galsworthy use symbolism to show the readers how changes in life can be difficult and hard to control. Readers may not understand what is being stated in the short story but Galsworthy’s use of symbolism has made it clear to his readers.Galsworthy use of symbolism especially the technique of the mirror image and functions define the restrictive lifestyle of Mr.Nilson, to illuminate the exciting potential of a new life and to explain Mr.Nilson’s retreat from rebirth. This story shows the reader how it is difficult to make changes in life. Also depending on the changes you make, it will affect how you or others will live in the future.

Answer 1

Okay, so you have multiple grammatical errors within this paragraph, but the biggest issue is the repetitiveness within it. First of all, you should really mention the author’s full name at least once!!!! From there on feel free to use his/hers last name only. Also, you switch between tenses which is a big no, try and avoid that! Now for your introductory statement, you should come in with something strong, do not mention that symbolism is the main point right there.

Your whole thesis statement should really come at the end of the first paragraph: Through the use of symbolism, Galsworthy shows the readers that life is not an easy path. And then it’s finished. Of course you will write a stronger one because I am not really familiar with the story.

Generally introduction paragraphs are only 3-5 sentences so don’t feel like you need to go on for any longer unless there is a lot to say or introduce. It gets confusing when you start throwing all the names together, so keep it simple and save it for your other paragraphs.

You do not have to flat out state that you are using symbolism, mirror images and functions, you can just say “he shows the readers through the use of literary elements” and then dedicate one paragraph to each.